Public Masturbation

America, F*ck Yeah

2011-05-02T00:35:00.003-04:00

In the words of L. Paul Bremer, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we got him." So unless you've been living with him under a rock, you know that Osama Bin Laden has been dead for a month now. Now, Bremer was speaking about Saddam Hussein the big mistake that is the major reason why this took 10 years to finally get him. It is great news, and a testament to the actions of the CIA and our Armed Forces for finishing him off.

Now, how long until the Republicans find a way to make this a negative and a slam against Obama? I'm putting the over-under at three days. They'll begin trying out their memes during the slow news cycles of Thursday and Friday and allow them to build into a rebuttal next week. Now before you decry this as a partisan post when we should all act post partisan, know that when I went down to the White House to join the celebrations, amidst the cheers of U-S-A and the singing of the national anthem there were THREE Bush/Cheney for President signs and those people arguing with everyone else. Can you imagine the endless We (Republicans) did it with our hands tied by them that we would have been subjected to had this happened (as it should have) 8 years ago?

Does this change anything in combating terrorism? No, he and Al Qaeda in general have been a marginalized figurehead for 8 years or so (since the start of the Iraq war). But it is a great symbolic victory, and offers a grand chance to re-frame the international view of the War on Terror. We can begin to draw back our troops and take a more practical counter-terrorism police and intelligence style approach, the kind of approach which actually got him in the end. Let us end the security kabuki that has been one of his greatest victories. Let us to stop spending profligately on military excess and wounded soldiers that have helped break our budget and instead spend that on the type of positive pro-American diplomacy that will prevent a new, post-Tunisia/Egypt generation from following the steps of this homicidal freak. So, Osama hope you enjoy rotting in hell. May you realize the failure of your ideology and all your virgins be male.

Hooray for Oligarchy

2011-03-20T23:27:00.003-04:00

The top 400 earning households in the United States have more wealth than the bottom 60% of the country combined...that is little more than 400 people have more money than 211 Million people

Persepctive

2011-03-19T21:23:00.004-04:00

The United States Armed Forces launched 114 Tomahawk missles into Libya today, at $575,000 each. The cost of that alone is 8.5 Million more than NPR's entire operating budget.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
-Dwight D. Eisenhower, the last decent Republican President and someone who knew a little something about war.

Whatever you think of the merits or problems with enforcing a no-fly zone in Libya, all the bloviating on Capitol Hill about the fiscal crisis our country faces should be checked against the gargantuan military budget and the cost of unecessary wars. Especially since yesterday marked the 8 year anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, a monumental sinkhole of wasted spending.

Rise of the RNCegans

2011-01-07T22:48:00.003-05:00

"You've got a vegan on 211."

"You suck," I say, glaring at the hostess, "which one?"

"Dunno."

"And helpful too," I growl at her. I have no problem with the life choice of most vegans, it's the ridiculous bending over backwards and pissy attitude towards not having a plethora of options aimed directly at their palate that makes having one so difficult, especially on a busy Friday night.

I go over and get drink orders. Their choice is one of our newer cocktails which contains egg whites. I advise her that I can ask if they'd like to do it without the egg whites or she will have to pick something else. "Oh, it's ok. I eat eggs and some fish too."

Riiiiight, I think as I eye her leather, fur lined coat.

After much running back and forth, pleading and appeasing between her and the kitchen we finally found a dish that would satisfy her dietary concerns and taste buds, our Zuppe Di Pesce with a few minor tweaks. Yeah, the one with the 5 kinds of fish in it. She enjoyed her meal very much and kept thanking me for bending over backwards to remove any "meat" or dairy from her food. When it came time for dessert I advised she get some of the sorbettos we offer, as they have no dairy, whereas all the others do. When I came back to get the order the table decided to enjoy our three chocolate layer cake (which is fantastic) and forks for everyone. I looked at her quizzically and she brushed off my concerns with a "We'll just pretend it doesn't have dairy." This finaly level of hypocritical delusion triggered a synapse in my bemused brain. This woman was behaving exactly like the incoming Republican House Majority.

You get all the cachet of being a vegan (fiscal conservative) without any of the hard work necessary to make it work, giving great lip service to the noble cause (The Constitution) you espouse. You ignore the aspects of your professed ideology that would make you seem less cool like leather, fur lined coats (tax cuts for the wealthy) or making the hard choices to cut out a rich, two chocolate mousse dessert (Social Security and Defense cuts). You can twist the facts and definitions of basic words like vegan(Socialist) or reality(anything they talk about) to fit a worldview in which your hypocrisy (Filibuster rules) and ignorance (WMD, TARP, Tax Cuts) is perfectly logical, or even expected as natural. Add a dose of crazy beliefs about the dangers of the world, her reasons for going "vegan" were of dubious veracity, and you've got the perfect allegory for the Teaheadist masses. Thus, I dub this woman, a RNCegan

Masturbatory Movie Review: Harry Potter

2010-12-03T20:59:00.002-05:00

Now, I will go on record as saying that I thought Deathly Hollows was the worst of the Harry Potter books. Pages 200-1000 are little more than Harry Potter goes Camping and the Coda about what happens 20 years down the line is treacly and fairly unnecessary. I was further annoyed to hear that the most dull of the books was going to be broken into two movies. Since the previous two movies had abandoned the actual intricacies of the plot in favor of a magical teen romance movie worthy of Hannah Montana does Twilight, I was not expecting much.

So it was with some surprise that I found Part I to be excellently paced, inclusive of most of the major plot points, and filled with good acting and action scenes. With 5 hours to work with they had plenty of time to set up the finale. It's been great to see Emma Watson and Daniel Radclife grow as actors and Rupert Grint given something more than the comedic sidekick foil role. It was thoroughly enjoyable and if you are a fan with any sort of reservations, forget them. If you're not, or haven't seen/read anything so far, well it's not for you anyway and you'd just be lost.

Barry! What Are You Doing???

2010-12-03T20:53:00.002-05:00

You have less than 2 weeks left of this Congress and an important vote that you're going to cave on with tax cuts for the rich (with nary a mention of the Republicans desire to ignore deficits if it means making the obscenely wealthy pay a little more). There is a critical vote on the START treaty which you need for national security bonafides as you run for re-election. Not to mention trying to pass the DADT repeal...and you decide now is the time for a surprise trip to Afghanistan? You couldn't have done that when you were in Asia a month ago?

Seriously? Take some ritalin and focus on getting done what needs to get done more immediately

START Making Some Noise

2010-11-25T13:31:00.003-05:00

One of Barack Obama's most underheralded accomplishments has been the new START treaty. They've done almost nothing to promote what should be a signature success. The treaty goes further than the previous treaty, which focused on mainly on delivery systems, in securing nuclear stockpiles and keeping them out of the hands of terrorists and other ne'er-do-wells. In the past such treaties have received vast bipartisan support, but in with Recalcitrant Republicans holding a more than 43 seats in the Senate and unwilling to move it looks like they will stop ratification on a necessary piece of national security. Do you think the Democrats will say anything about this?

The Democrats were repeatedly tarred as soft on terrorism in 2002 and 2004 because only half their caucus supported the attack on Iraq. They took a drubbing in both elections because everyone knows the GOP is the party of National Security. Unless they do something to change that meme they will continue to lose at the ballot box. In order to turn that meme, birthed in Vietnam and hammered for half a century since, the Dems need to show that they do have the bonafides to run an adult security policy and that the Republicans will refuse to do what is best for the country rather than hand the President a political victory. If they are going to harm America, at least demand your pound of flesh in return.

2010-11-25T11:00:00.003-05:00

This year I am thankful for:

-My sister's wonderful wedding.
-That my health issues are manageable.
-That my other sister is graduating vet school.
-That my roomate is awesome.
-That my new boss goes out of his way to make things better.
-President Barack Obama
-That I'm a middle class American, for all my bitching, it's certainly a great time and place to be alive.
-That the Yankees and Phillies didn't win the World Series.
-That the Red Wings have been mostly healthy this year.
-Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
-The return of Futurama
-My iPod
-Alice's Restaurant
-Having friends to celebrate since I can't be at home

Have a wonderful Turkey day everyone! Hopefully the football games are as good as this one, my favorite of all time

How to Lose The War on Terror and Alienate People

2010-11-24T20:26:00.006-05:00

I have avoided writing about the new TSA screening procedures as everyone and their brother has something (usually negative) to say. Because some asshat tried to blow up his shoe, I have to take mine off and tread across the toe fungal jungle beneath the metal detector? Because some clown tried a liquid bomb, I can't bring sufficent contact solution with me, or bring home some duty-free wine? Because some short-bus tool tried to blow up his underwear I have choose between a handjob from a 300 lb HS dropout or a dose of radiation that ensures my children will turn out to be no brighter than said TSA agents? Bin Laden famously said his people need only raise their flag somewhere and it would cause the Americans to come running, guns blazing. Simple plans, that all would have failed and were easily thwarted now cost us billions of dollars, shred our privacy and civil liberties and waste our time without having any effect on winning the war on terror or making us any safer.

The bigger issue is that we have not learned anything about the actions of oppressed people around the world, or how to redirect their anger towards a more constructive world. During the industrial revolution it was the twin ideologies of capitalism and democracy which caused dramatic social, political and economic change by galvanizing new constituencies and providing opportunities for the oppressed and indentured peoples of Europe. But in becoming the status quo they set themselves up for the still disaffected masses to fall under the sway of communism. For nearly two centuries the disciples of Marx clothed themselves in the mantle of benevolent revolution to such an extent that in the rapidly decolonizing world after World War II theirs was the most readily apparent option. The flawed communist system and the totalitarianism it bred eventually collapsed, but the West took the wrong lesson from their victory in the cold war. Our continued support of dictators and our push for profit over improving conditions worldwide causes us to be viewed as the new/more powerful than ever villian.

In a post-communist world it was merely a matter of time before someone took up the cause of the oppressed. In Latin America the Neo-Socialists, led by Hugo Chavez are a more traditional opponent for the Americans, but in the Muslim world it has been the radical sons of Sayyid Qutb. Their goals may be the opposite of the socialists who sought equality, but they have claimed the same crown of combat against the comfortable. When people enraged by the conditions they see in their world they look for who has the simplest answer for the cause of their desperation, and seek to support whoever is fighting that enemy most strongly. Muslims may loathe the Taliban and Al Qaeda and never want to live under their diktats, but that doesn't mean they don't agree with their goals of sticking it to us. Hamas in particular has been very good with their two-pronged attack on the west. Their acts of terrorism push Americans and Israelis into hard-handed and ham-fisted responses that create more enemies for us. Then they build hospitals and schools in the areas most affected. Providing law, order, education and health care, acting as a de facto government, and making sure everyone knows where the goods came from. The stability and opportunity they provide is a welcome change. Sure, they don't offer freedom, but neither do the dictatorships we sponsor. We've let them claim to be Robin Hood for too long, It's time for us to axe the image of Prince John and become the King Richard we actually are.

We learned nothing from our defeat in Vietnam or our the lesson of what allowed the Cold War to blossom worldwide. It was never about villages neutralized, allies in the UN, body counts or percentage of territory held. It was about creating security, winning the hearts and minds of people and providing them with the economic opportunity to support their families. That is what won the Cold War. Not the number of nukes, troops and security protocols we could come up with. Addressing Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is a much better rubric for success and long term peace and growth.

Bombing nations, instigating friendly coups, and security kabuki at home are of little use in combating the frustrations and rages of those who are powerless around the world. My rage isn't directed at the minimum wage worker that has to pat down grandma, it's directed at the leadership in this country that seems to have learned nothing about how to combat terrorism. Military strikes and making travel obnoxious are visible actions that can be pointed at as doing "something" and will show up on the evening news. Building a hospital in Waziristan, a school in Beirut or standing up for our principles with our ~~drug dealers~~ allies the Saudis are much harder to pinpoint as actions that will win in the long run, but that doesn't mean they aren't significantly more effective. I don't like the new regulations and believe they are a waste of time, but the hubub over this is akin to complaining about how ugly our neighbor's new fence is while ignoring the fact that it is on our property.

True Love Ain't Dead

2010-11-23T23:32:00.002-05:00

Date Lab is a Washington Post Sunday Magazine feature that sets people up on blind dates and asks them to report back what happened. When I read the Sunday Magazine I always found it to be pretty entertaining, both the good and bad stories. Last year they had one at my restaurant and I got assigned the table. They were a lot of fun, but it was pretty clear they wanted very little to do with me and kept much to themselves staying for several hours and chatting.

In the months that it had taken to publish I had mostly forgotten about the story, so imagine my surprise when this evening I should see the happy couple, now engaged to be married, returning to celebrate their anniversary. When I noticed them trying to take some pictures, I offered to reprise my role from the previous year. They happily recognized me and told me of their pending nuptials. I told them I was shocked they remembered me, as the seemingly only had eyes for each other that night and wished them well.

And that my friends, is pretty damn cool.

What Now Mr. President?

2010-11-16T23:45:00.003-05:00

When he was merely candidate Obama, the President promised to "change the tone" in Washington, and change how politics were done in the nation's capital. While that is an admirable goal and great rhetoric for winning as an outsider (while being an insider) it paints you into a political corner, especially when you have an obstinate opposition devoted solely to your demise.

So, we saw Obama give away over and over to the right. Half the stimulus went to tax cuts, rather than direct spending which would have gotten the money into the economy and created jobs immediately. Proposing the Republican Health Care plan from 1994, and being willing to run away from the only really left-wing aspect of it, the Public Option, when the going got tough. He caved completely on the extension of the Bush tax cuts because the Democrats in congress didn't want to be seen as raising taxes on anyone (nevermind that it was only 3% of people) in a tough election year. He took the populist rage against Wall Street and allowed it to diffuse with an industry bail-out and then let his allies in Congress completely de-fang the new regulation bill.

The Republicans made it clear from the get-go that there would be no compromise and no bipartisanship. Sure, they allowed the few moderates remaining in their caucus to dabble and toy with reaching across the aisle. They knew ultimately that by the moderates buying that time it gave them a chance to rile up the base, demean the President's plans and threaten Maine girls with primary challenges. It was a brilliant plan, well executed. They've always been better at politics than policy though.

He has abetted the Republican plan by not promoting his numerous successes, or the dangers of what could have happened had we not acted. The well connected, solid messaging of the campaign almost immediately gave over to a White House that worked behind the scenes and accomplished stuff, but didn't tell anyone. There was no trumpeting of the successful saving of GM, no promoting the largest change to health care in the country's history and little talk of the jobs saved. After eight years of having a cheerleader-in-chief instead of a President the media has grown lazy(-ier) without a White House Press office that would write their stories for them. You gotta get your story out Mr. President!

So, in getting drubbed, largely for not fighting back, what lesson has he learned? None apparently. He keeps going to the compromise well. Have you not seen that everytime you try to meet them, the GOP moves the goalposts. There can be no compromise with a party that thinks you are a socialist/communist/atheist/muslim/anti-Amurkian/mud-raced/furrin/anti-christ/terrorist. You had your chance with your historic majorities to force through legislation that would have helped America save what is left of her great power but you tried to make a deal with an unwilling devil.

Many on the left, myself included, projected their own audacious hopes for generational change on Mr. Obama. We anointed him with the mark of Bobby Kennedy. We laid the mantle of Martin Luther King, Jr. on him. We ignored the evidence that he was a center-left politican in the mold of Bill Clinton. While I certainly agree with the rhetoric of changing the tone in Washington, it simply cannot be accomplished in a town where only one party represents the whole political continuum of 30 years ago. The radical fringe has taken over the other side, and the only way to fight that is to fight. There can be no common ground found with rigid ideological purity. Stop compromising your principles. You once urged us to engage in the audacious act of hope. Perhaps it's time to re-read some of your old stump speeches and find the man we all voted for, not the caricature you've let them make of you.

Oklahoma, Where The Stupid Comes Sweepin Down The Plains

2010-11-06T12:05:00.002-04:00

One of the biggest victories for the tea baggers was the "Save Our State" Amendment in Oklahoma that would require Judges to use only Federal and State regulations when deciding cases. The idea to ban the insidious influence of Sharia Law, or International Law of any sort. Unfortunately for them, in drawing the law so broadly it could most likely be construed to ban the use of the Ten Commandments or the Bible in making decisions as well even though those two are not mentioned in the Amendment. Coming soon to a federal appeals court near you!

Go F*ck Yourself America

2010-11-03T03:31:00.005-04:00

In the immortal words of John Oliver, Go Fuck Yourself.

I am certainly no fan of Obama's right now, but if you can't see that he is our only hope, Go Fuck Yourself. If you honestly think your taxes went up under Obama, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think unending wars on brown people are more important than giving people at home the right to see a doctor, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think that socialism, communism and fascism are the same and evident in America today, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think the Republicans actually care about deficits after Reagan, Bush and Bush, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think Obama wants to take away your guns, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think Obama wasn't born in this country, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think the founding fathers were Christian and intended the country to be, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think that the country would be better off spending more on drones to kill people than investments in high speed rail, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think STDs and pregnancy are prevented in any way by abstinence only education, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think a guy, who likes guys can't be a defender of America, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think a woman, who likes other women, shouldn't be allowed to raise a child, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think there is some equivalency between the retardation of Democrats and the cretinism of Republicans, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think evolution is false because we don't see monkey's turning into humans every day, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think Social Security is failing because it's a bad idea, rather than that both parties have raided it like a free candy machine for 50 years, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think the rich care about you, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think Iraq attacked us on September 11th, or is anything like Iran, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think that they shouldn't build a Mosque in an old Burlington Coat Factory and that all Muslims like bin Laden, Go Fuck Yourself. If you're on medicare, but want the government to keep it's hands off your health care, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think "Going Galt" is an acceptable answer to anything, Go Fuck Yourself. If you think torture is a-OK and is helpful in winning the war on terror, Go Fuck Yourself.

In short, Go Fuck Yourself America. Fuck you for pretending that the absolute assholery of one side is the same as the moronic ineptitude of the other. You deserve the idiotic scorn and destruction that will be heaped upon you. I hate 90% of Demorats as well as 99% of Republicans. I'm sorry John Stewart, but reason isn't getting through to either the representatives nor the electorate. In the words of the immortal George Carlin Fuck The Fucking Fuckers. We're all boned because we can't see beyond our selfish noses.

How to know the Teatards are in Town

2010-08-27T23:39:00.002-04:00

Part I
Teenager: I'll have sweet tea
Me: Sorry, we only have unsweetened
Father: They wouldn't have that up here, we're way north of the Mason-Dixon line now

Part II
Father to kids: Now remember when we go to Baltimore that it was General Wilfred Scott that wrote the Star Spangled Banner after watching the attack on Fort Meyers

2010-08-27T00:26:00.004-04:00

Glen Beck, the short-bus charlatan of the apocalyptic right, has as much right to hold his crackerpalooza on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on the anniversary of the "I Have a Dream Speech," as the organizers of the "Ground Zero Mosque" do to build in Lower Manhattan. That's the glory of America.

The Mosque is an attempt to heal the wounds of September 11th and show that not all Muslims believe what their lunatic fringe believes. The Teatard assembly glorifies the fringe lunatics creating new divisions in America. Both have every right to express themselves and try to win followers. But only one of these sides is correct.

I know who I'm rooting for this weekend because I believe in the glorious America of the founders envisioning. We should be cheering for the tolerance and understanding of the Park 51 project and deriding the xenophobia and ignorance that will be going on at the Mall this weekend. Their racism feeds the message of Bin Laden and weakens our country, for our good, and the good of our world help reject their message.

That being said, I think I'm gonna pay some homeless guys to fling poo at them.

The Olympic Effect

2010-05-11T23:54:00.002-04:00

Much has been made of the crisis in Greece from its overly generous welfare state to the crimes of capitalism. But the overlooked reason for the failure of the Greek economy and much of its debt stems from the Olympics.

There was much fear before the 2004 Summer Games that Greece wouldn't finish on time and in order to prevent that the Greek government borrowed to the hilt to cover the cost of its Olympic dream. Much like American borrowers in the subprime market and those that recklessly bought into it they counted on continuously growing market, but in this case added the unlikely boon of Olympic gold. Though tourism peaked with the Olympics the end result was a overall decline in people visiting for the next several years, thus killing the projections made by the Greek government and its debtors.

The Olympics has become a net drag on the economy of any host nation and city that tries to apply for it. In the case of Greece, a small country, whose economy is tied, largely, to Athens and its environs this was projected by many to be a potentially economically fateful disaster. Larger nations that can write off the Olympics as an overall win, lost amid their balance sheets did not apply here and today the Eurozone is reaping the fallout of that decision.

Caveat Emptor any developing nation that wishes the Olympics as a coming out party, you will pay in the end.

The Worst Thing I've Heard All Year

2010-05-02T13:05:00.002-04:00

Back in November my friend had a baby. The baby's mother and he didn't get along to say the least but they were working on it. At three weeks old the baby died of SIDS and my friend was crushed. He's tried to move on and last he'd heard the mother had moved with her parents to Vegas.

That was until last week when a mutual friend of theirs noticed that the girl's myspace page had a picture of her and his son in Vegas. Yes, she lied about her child dying and stole the baby. Anyone want to take a road trip to Vegas to break some kneecaps?

NHL Playoffs round Two

2010-04-29T23:01:00.002-04:00

So, you flip a coin and you are pretty much got the same record as me in the first round. A spate of (L)Eastern Conference upsets and the Nucks/Kings series which did end up being very close left me at 4-4 in the first round.

Much will be written about the Washington Capitals abysmal collapse in the playoffs but the simplest explanation is that RJ Umbarger was right. The mediocre Columbus Blue Jackets Defenseman said the Caps just didn't play the right style for the playoffs. They play a great, uptempo, fun style of game that relies on scoring at will. The major feature is Mike Green and the other Caps Defensemen jumping up into the play and not really worry about playing, you know, defense. That Green is a finalst for the Norris Trophy (Best Defenseman) is a crime. Green was directly (via giveaway) and indirectly (was in the box on an interfernce penalty) involved in both Montreal goals in game 7. He and Alexander Semin were kept goaless and Ovechkin couldn't carry the team by himself. Hopefully Bruce Boudreau can spend his long summer coming up with some better Defensive schemes and the Caps best players think about why it is they're sitting at home while someone else lifts Lord Stanley's Cup.

(5)Detroit Red Wings vs. (2) San Jose Sharks - Both teams played about how they expected in the first round. Detroit survived their 7 game series and have none of the afternoon games that bedeviled them in this series and all season long (0-6). I am very happy to see the Sharks as the Wings second round draw. Though they are eminently talented the Wings have owned them in all 4 game they played this season. Wings all the way.

(4) Vancouver Canucks vs. (1) Chicago Blackhawks - Last year this series went a brutal 7 games and these teams do not like each other. Both have great offenses and rather suspect Ds. Should be a high scoring affair with lots of fights. If they can beat each other up with a long series and get tired out for the Wings, I am ok with that. This'll be a fun one.

(4) Pittsuburgh Penguins vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens - The Canadiens played comitted, playoff team discipline in winning the last three games against the Capitals, thus killing hockey in DC for another year. The sacrifice of the body to block shots and stifle Offense was eerily reminiscent of the Pens style last year when they won the Cup. The Pens are far more comitted to defense than the Caps and will definitely do better than Washington's anemic 1-33 on the Power Play.

(6) Boston Bruins vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers - The Flyers shocked the world in making Marty Brodeur and the Devils look positively pedestrian. But they lost Ian Laperrier for the season and Brian Boucher will come back to earth a bit in this series. The Bruins beat the NHL's best goalie and get their top playmaker back from the concussion he suffered at the hands of Pittsubrgh's Matt Cooke. Should make that series nice and interesting.

Masturbatory Movie Review: The Losers

2010-04-27T13:30:00.002-04:00

What a terrible, terrible waste of $10 and 2 hours. Since I'm imploring you for your own sake not to watch this wretched piece of schlock I have no compunction in saying the "plot" is so full of holes and so poorly constructed that spoiling it is doing you a favor. This movie makes Crank look like Boondock Saints. It's that bad.

The Losers are contracted by evil super-villian Max to paint a drug-dealer/terrorist, but go in against orders to save some children. The kids are killed and for reasons unknown they (even though they're supposed to be dead) are framed for the killings (even though lost in the Bolivian Jungle they have no way of knowing this). Zoe Seldana shows up with a chance to get back at Max and anyone who can't tell that she is the daughter of the drug-dealing terrorist has never seen an action movie. Meanwhile, Max is dealing with some Indian/Pakistani scientists who have invented a Sonic dematerializer weapon or SNuke ("for the 21st century green terrorist, all the destruction of a nuke with none of the pollution!") and the most pathetic looking possee of bad guys in the history of film. Max's goal is embezzling $1 Billion from the CIA and blowing up the port of Los Angeles (and one would assume NY and Washington) to give the US an excuse to launch some new wars on terrorism. Without knowing any of the The Losers manage to thwart the plan and emerge victorious, just in time for their driver to get home for the birth of his son and the comm guy to catch his niece's soccer game (Go Petunias!). Since they let Max get away though one would imagine going home to their families would be a pretty dangerous and stupid move. But stupid is nothing unusual for this movie.

The acting is so bad that in the scene where the leader of The Losers and his Judas second in command have their macho posture-off you think they might actually be in cahoots all along and are just acting within their acting.

After subjecting myself to this I definitely can tell you who the losers are. Me and whoever greenlighted this abortion

Quit Protecting the Privledged

2010-04-25T15:38:00.005-04:00

The World Bank/IMF meetings are back in town this week for their yearly meetings, and as anyone who lives or works in downtown DC knows this just sucks. Obsessive and excessive security that is meant to prevent another Seattle type riot, but it has been a decade since this was any sort of real concern. Perhaps it's time to say enough is enough with the lockdown that costs the city an enormous amount of money and it's residents endless headaches. The District, because of its unique position will always have this sort of issue when there are summits, inaugurations and just general meetings of the powerful, but on this issue it is beyond time to dial it back a little. It is not just the cost of the added police, but the locals and tourists avoiding patronizing downtown restaurants and museums that are a drain on the city.

People That Are Destroying America 100-95

2010-04-24T13:48:00.004-04:00

This week Jon Stewart got into a little kerfuffle with sports and politics blowhard Bernie Goldberg. Jonas Grimby and I got to talking about Goldberg and his stupidity and he reminded me that Bernie's book is called 100 people that are Destroying America. I thought we could come up with a much better list. So as an ongoing project, I present the first installment in my list.

100. Bernie Goldberg - OK, not really. He's not powerful, nor intelligent enough to really merit a place on this list but we're gonna put him on here just because it's our tie in and kick-off point.

99. Justin Beiber - I am not exactly sure what a "Justin Beiber" is, but the pre-tween marketing machine it is emblematic of is useful in creating new overconsumers which drives an unhealthy aspect of our economy.

98. Mel Kiper Jr. - The man who created his own industry as NFL Draft tea leaf reader. As football has grown Kiper has jumped in with his shellacked hair, sixhead and become a kingmaker for young athletes trying to make it pro. Since the Draft is on this weekend he merits the 98th worst person destroying America.

97. Bill Donahue - The President of the Catholic League is the type of sycophantic apologist which makes it hard to want to stay Catholic. From over-reactions to jokes about Catholicism to his recent assertion that because one of the children abused by priests was 14, thus making him too old for that silly old Pedophilia charge, Bill Donahue exemplifies the worst kind of denialist stupidity.

96. Gary Bettman - The Commissioner of the National Hockey League is a spy sent by David Stern to destroy Hockey and keep America from appreciating the great game. This Grade A Asshat tried expansion into markets that don't want them, doesn't know the names of some of his league's best players, spurned ESPN in favor of Versus (nee Outdoor Life Network) giving the worldwide leader an excuse to regularly mock and ignore hockey. Trust me on this one.

95. Blanche Lincoln - It's not so much anything that Sen. Lincoln has done, so much that as the head of the Agriculture Committee she oversees the continuation of America's disastrous Corn-centric subsidy system. From massive pollution of the environment to the pollution of the body produced by corn by-products we need to get off Big Cob and Sen Lincoln you are a major part of that equation.

I promise this list will get a little more serious as we go along, but just some fun to start off

The GOP Jumps the Shark

2010-04-24T13:17:00.002-04:00

This week the Republican Governor's Association has "embraced the symbolism" of Guy Fawkes for the purpose of their new Remember November campaign. So, you all want to be associated with a religious terrorist who tried but failed to kill the King and members of Parliament. Nothing says I love America like comparing yourself to a failed mass assassin (from the same people who get in a tizzy over shirts of Che Guevara no less). With V for Vendetta and the Anonymous protests against Scientology having adopted the mask in recent memory the RGA is probably hoping those associations are stronger than most American's memories of 10th Grade World History. Hooray for preying on ignorance.

At least if we burned Haley Barbour in effigy we'd be warm for days.

Masturbatory Movie Review: Kick Ass!

2010-04-23T00:27:00.002-04:00

Was, well, Kick Ass. It's great summer fun, well written and nominally well acted. One can see why Roger Ebert called it "morally reprehensible," but in this case it's not necessarily a bad thing. The real treasure of the movie is Chloe Moretz as the button cute ninja 11 year old without a childhood. The mere sight of a magenta-wigged little girl putting Jet Li to shame is hilarious. Nic Cage continues to make me wonder how he ever gets work, but he doesn't ruin the film. Some of the characters are criminally under-developed (though the set up for the sequel promises more) and Kick Ass himself is kinda a whiny brat, but once again it is Ms. Moretz as Hit Girl that comes to the rescue to save both him and the movie.

2010-04-20T15:19:00.002-04:00

One additional factoid about the Tea Baggers. The recent CBS poll showed that they generally skew wealthier and more educated than one would generally assume. Just like some other radicals who violently hate on the US Government.

I'm not saying, I'm just saying...

On Tea Bagger Stupidity

2010-04-18T23:57:00.004-04:00

The original tea party was a protest against the idea that a population could be taxed without its consent by an ostensibly foreign power. The fact of the matter is the Tea Act reduced taxes on the British East India Company. However, allowing Parliament to reduce taxes would also give them the power to raise taxes. The founders saw no objection to being taxed (moderately), so long as they were represented. These people have representation in government, they just happened to lose the last election cycle. As many of you may know from me in real life, or been around me when I'm drunk, I am a descendent of a Samuel Adams best friend and that the planning for the Boston Tea Party happened in my ancestor's bar. So, having these Tea Baggers misappropriate my ancestor's legacy is particularly rankling to me.

A great man once said, you are entitled to your own opinions, but not your own facts. These Tea Baggers have thrived in an atmosphere of half-truth and outright lie that just boggles the mind. How can you rationally debate the issue when one side believes the most absurd lies that fit their worldview? As noted above, they can't even get the facts about their own namesake right. From the birthers to the death panelists they purport the craziest falsehoods to be repeated around the right wing echo chamber.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to muzzle the Tea Baggers, they are entitled to their idiocy. I do wonder however what it would take for a similar left wing movement to gain any traction. I remember marching in protests against the Iraq War both before and during that were two to three times the size of the largest Tea Bagger rally, and there was virtually no press coverage of those protests. Even the Immigration rally from a few weeks ago that went on THE SAME DAY as the Tea Baggers and dwarfed their numbers recieved a fraction of the media attention. Having a major news network at their Beck and call (so to speak) and powerful friends (Armey, Nordquist, Palin) to amplify their whining is a massive mole that is rapidly turning cancerous on the body politic.

It's beyond left wing protests against war, death and inequality recieve no media attention and are unpatriotic while right wing protests against health care are tinged with violent racism are put forth as truly American. I'm sick of this dichotomy where more than half of the country, responsible for 75% of the economy, encompassing the founding areas of the nation are considered not sufficently American; when the heart of the rebellious Confederacy, the net welfare states and the only state that was once its own country are considered the only real Americans. That we don't deserve to be considered true Americans and that our patriotism isn't the right kind is galling.

Many people who worked hard to elect Barack Obama had a fear that he would be "Kennedy'd." A young, charismatic liberal(ish) and black to boot? The wingnuts would go crazurk. Rush Limbaugh this week said any violence would be the responsibility of Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, not the talking anuses which fuel the Bagger fire. Now, the majority probably do not want violence, but it only takes one "God-fearing Patriot to water the Tree of Liberty with blood." Are we wrong to think they intend violence when they bring signs saying they 'came unarmed...this time?' When one of their most vociferous leaders, the half-term Governor urges them to "reload?" Or the fact that the Oklahoma (of all places) branch of the Baggers wants to create a seperate militia to "protect against federal encraoachment." These actions walk right up to the line of sedition, a federal felony.

To a degree the Tea Baggers are no more than the latest iteration of a long running strain of American Politics. Nativist, economically libertarian and socially conservative, they are the heirs to the legacy of Daniel Shays, The Conferderates, The Know-Nothings, The KKK, The John Birch Society and The Millitia Movement. While these groups have waxed and waned throughout our history they usually arise during periods of economic turmoil, increased immigration and previously political outsiders attaining some level of power. In the end the Tea Baggers too shall pass.

I just wish the media wouldn't give this minority fringe of freaks the time of day. Let Faux news push and push and push them. I've had enough of their brand of dissent being celebrated while ours is denigrated. It's past time for their brand of reactionary idiocy to be dumped again in favor of rational growth for the country.

2010-04-16T23:47:00.004-04:00

Her name is Gloria.

I will admit for months I walked by her. My iPod on, head down, advancing with heavy steps towards another day at work. Whatever she said was drowned behind whatever I was listening to, I assumed she was just panhandling. Sure, I had noticed her reading excellent books and drawing with incredible precision, but thought little of it.

On the morning my iPod was drained and I faced the world in its sonic nudity, she said "Hi, Beautiful day isn't it?" I realized she merely wanted to be talked to. I muttered a hello, and continued on to work. As I rattled off specials and refilled ice teas what nagged the back of my brain was this homeless woman who seemed so unabashedly chipper about another DC day.

On my lunch break I wandered over to her usual spot outside Au Bon Pain, got myself some lunch and picked her up a sandwich and drink. I brought it out to her and asked if I could sit with her a little bit. She readily agreed and ate happily talking of art and books; and I discovered an incredible person.

Over the next few weeks I've been privileged to learn about her. Gloria moved here three years ago from Minnesota for her husband's new job. Three months after their arrival her life was rent asunder when her husband and daughter were killed in a hit and run. She talks of the ghosts that haunted that first year, barely being able to function, spurning friends and her job and falling into a shell of despair. Eventually she was fired and the money ran out. She sold her house and intended to move back but something about her knew that nothing would be different there so she turned to the streets.

It began as an almost monastic attempt at finding solitude in the midst of a humanity that had betrayed her. However, she has grown to love that which many of us with our myriad possessions would find appalling and scary. She talks of humanity's good and evil, the kindness of strangers and the malignancy of those who see her as lazy or crazy. Gloria draws the stories of the lives and loves of everyone who passes her way. She sketches vignettes of tourists and lobbyists staring up at buildings and screaming into their cell phones. Her drawings are beautiful representations of the life that few notice. She has found her life again in capturing those moments that those of us with "lives" ignore. The thing she hates most, is the indifference, that few will even look her in the eye. Sheepishly I asked why she kept trying with me.

"You have a kind face, I could see the compassion there, you were just lost in yourself. People these days are mostly too busy to be bothered with anything 3 inches in front of their face, but that doesn't mean they aren't good people." And I'm floored. Someone who has had her whole life taken by the cowardly fear of one person is still so able to see so much possibility and good in the world.

As I leave work tonight I stop by her "house, a stitched together collection of cardboard, pieces and slide a new drawing pad and some colored pencils under the "wall." I walk on smiling to myself when I am bowled over in a giant bear hug. Gloria turns me around and she is crying. Eyes brimming with with gratitude.

I tell her to keep recording the beautiful, that the world needs more Glorias.

2010-04-13T22:12:00.005-04:00

I look down and see a tendril of her raven hair escape, stark against my maroon hoodie. The cold strikes my thin t-shirt enlivening my skin and jolting me into the now.

This angel was at my table waiting on a blind date that never showed. Since it was absurdly slow for a change I spent my evening trying to leaven her disappointment and growing embarrassment. As the night wears on and the jokes become more flirtatious, I "forget" to ring in a couple glasses of her wine. I beg out of my last couple tables when she asks when I get off. I ask her to take a stroll around the monuments and with an assurance of my hoodie's lent warmth she readily agrees

Along the reflecting pool I make a borderline joke that Seth McFarlane would be proud of and suddenly she looks up at me in alarm. Her eyes ask "Who is this creep I am with?" as my smile slowly rises and my eyes crinkle she realizes my humor. The laugh starts deep in her belly and rises to a light tinkle, a perfect bell-choir run.

She slips her arm in mine and we amble on, Crinkle and Tinkle, lost in a beautiful moment.

2010-04-13T01:52:00.002-04:00

Not sure which is bothering me more right now, that Conan O'Brien will be on TBS of all places opposite Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert...

...or that the role of Kurt Cobain in the upcoming biopic is to be played by Mr. Sparkly vampire himself Robert Pattinson.

Stupid Hollywood.

2010-04-12T13:03:00.004-04:00

The Second Season is about to start and as such, time for me to bloviate out some Hockey Picks that no one will read.

EASTERN CONFERENCE
(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens - Montreal doesn't have the firepower to test Jose Theodore and keep up with the rapacious Caps attack. The Caps, sadly, may not have the team D to make a deep run but should get past the first round.

(2) New Jersey Devils vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers - Surefire, first ballot Hall of Fame Goalie Martin Brodeur vs. Brian Boucher, who started the year as the backup of the Flyers AHL affiliate. Philly like the Bruins have not played to expectations for the season. I'm going to say the Flyers get through just so I can see the Caps score 12 goals a game over the course of a series.

(3) Buffalo Sabres vs. (6) Boston Bruins - Both teams are banged up but give it to Ryan Miller to carry the Sabres through at least this post-season

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Ottawa Senators - I'd love to see the Sens knock out the defending Stanley Cup Champs (that still makes me want to vomit) but it's not gonna happen.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (8) Colorado Avalanche - San Jose always has a great regular season but falter when the second season starts. The Avs were expected to finish near the bottom of the league but managed to gel well and become the second biggest surprise story of the year. However, their goaltending has cooled and the Sharks should get through this time

(2)Chicago Blackhawks vs. (7) Nashville Predators - The Hawks have managed to get back on track after the Olympic Break and should take care of the Preds pretty easily. Here's hoping the physical Preds rough them up a bit though.

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) Los Angeles Kings - This is an extremely tough-luck draw for the Kings. A young and talented squad that appears to have turned the corner towards being an elite squad. Unfortunately for them they drew Roberto Luongo and the very scary Vancouver squad. I'd rate this series as a tossup, but will give it to LA just because I don't want to face the 'Nucks

(4) Phoenix Coyotes vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings - This is the most unfortunate seeding as far as I'm concerned. The Coyotes are undoubtedly the story of the year. Their ownership troubles caused them to become wards of the league and what should have been the a bottom tier team has become a legitimate blue collar threat. Ilya Bryzgalov is a top flight goalie who has a legit chance at both the Vezina (best goalie) and Hart (MVP) trophies. The Yotes play good team defense and have some steady veteran leadership. That being said, Detroit is finally back to being healthy and looks committed to making a third straight Stanley Cup Finals run. Bring on the Pens baby.

2010-04-11T12:27:00.003-04:00

Dear Google,

I love your products, really do. use it for everything but I'm beginning to wonder what you're thinking lately. Why are you taking individual parts of Google Reader and making them their own services? Buzz is a glorified share button, with the added facebook style annoyance of status updates. But what's really irking me is your new Google Play. It's visually clunky and unappealing and is nothing more than the Recommended Items from reader in a more obnoxious package. Is this an attempt to get in on the StumbleUpon/del.ic.ous/digg/reddit market? It's inferior if you're trying for that. Attempting innovation just to say you are doing something new is often wasteful and stupid. I'll overlook your almost psychopathic cataloging and saving of every detail on the web (your Google Blackmail department alone will be worth billions in a few years) if you stop with the products that no one needs.

With loving adoration,
PM

We're Number 3!

2010-04-09T09:56:00.003-04:00

America spawned the modern film industry and it's no secret that Hollywood is one of America's biggest exports and cultural ambassadors (sadly). It's also been known that Bollywood has surpassed America in number of films long ago, and the quality is constantly on the rise (as evidenced by the crossover Academy Award Winner Slumdog Millionaire).

But this month the NIGERIAN film industry, or Nollywood, has surpassed us as well. This is bothersome mainly beacus of the obnoxious propagation of the "ollywood" suffix (which needs to go just as much as the "gate" after scandals) . But perhaps the newfound competition will inspire the Suits in Beverly Hills to stop making such dreck (see Transformers, GI Joe, Clash of the Titans and the rumored Pac Man movie) and start producing creative and interesting films again.

2010-04-08T23:46:00.002-04:00

The cleansing rain falls, cutting the heat and humidity of a DC summer that promises to be abominable.

I light my blunt and blow a large sweet cloud in front of me. I walk through the cloud of ennui, allowing my tense and jangled nerves to relax. My newly elongated locks twist and curl in the water, falling into my eyes. And I let it.

I remove my shoes and let the cool rivulets and puddles soothe my splintered bones. The iPod, sensing my mood, brings The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" forward as the lines from a book I received for my birthday keep running through my head.

It rains on the living and the dead, Mama, only the dead have better umbrellas.

As I approach my building the fire hits the crutch, the smoke turns acrid I know it's time to get back on top of life. I need to get back to the things that make me happy. Writing, biking, loving, the things that make life worthwhile. The verbs of action instead of the stagnation that has overtaken me. No more dulling the pain, no more escape. It's time to take my life back and get on track, a new track. It's time to be me again.

The book says, "Good days, they come around the oddest corners," and I think it's right

Counter-Narrative

2010-02-11T14:13:00.002-05:00

In the year of the Tea Partiers, when Democrats are running scared and declining to run for re-election lest they lose it's worth noting that 18 House Republicans are retiring (out of 178) and only 12 Democrats are calling it quits (out of 255).

Somehow I would imagine blaring Faux News headlines and Drudge alerts out the wazoo if 10% of the House Dems were retiring. But when it doesn't fit the media narrative it gets buried.

Insert Alarmist Snow-Pun Here

2010-02-06T12:10:00.004-05:00

***Attention people of the District of Columbia. ***

This is an actual snowstorm, this is not a test. Please refer back to this event in case of future "blizzards" which drop 2-3 inches and shuts the place down. Don't freak out, don't go drive anywhere. Do go sledding, build a snowman or, in my case, an igloo. It's great snow for all those activities. Cook a nice meal, watch a classic movie, and spend some quality downtime with your family and friendly neighbors. Enjoy it! Because this only happens every decade or so around these parts. And stay warm

Dear Penthouse Forum

2010-01-30T23:41:00.002-05:00

I never thought I'd be writing this but...

A couple weeks ago my roomate, Jonas Grimby, was sitting at home after work watching some TV and surfing the intertubes like he always does when there was a knock at the door. Three young women are standing there.

"Can we borrow some salt?"
"Sure, hang on a second..."
"eh, we didn't really want salt, which one is your room?"

They brush past him and proceed into his room and plop down on his bed. "We're partying with our friend, your neighbor and he said you seemed cool based on the music that comes out of your room so we thought we'd come over and say hi. Want to party?"

When I arrived home I was greeted with pictures of three, young German au pairs jumping up and down on my bed. Since then, they've invited themselves over for parties and brunches. We've started refering to our door as the Maginot Line and the patio door as Belgium since neither seem to be able to keep the Germans out.

Life is nothing if not interesting sometimes.

2010-01-30T13:46:00.003-05:00

Outside the window just now: DCDOT guy on ride-on snowblower...for 2 inches of snow. It's nice to live down the street from a DC council member sometimes.

And by nice I mean what the frak is wrong with this city when there is precipitation below 32F.

Also, who the hell invented a ride-on snowblower, how fucking lazy and environment-hating do you have to be to use that thing. I laughed at the Chinese when they used brooms on the snow, but this leaves me halfway between wanting to laugh and vomit.

2010-01-28T18:24:00.006-05:00

Much ado is being made over Justice Samuel Alito's response to Mr. Obama's chiding of him and the court for their outlandish decision in the Citizen's United case. First, Alito's response was among the more mild Republican disagreements caught on camera. From John Boehner's day-glo smirks, to John McCain's wise-cracks to Harry Reid's yawns (oh, wait he's on "our side") the Republicans went out of their way to act like bored 12 year olds at church on Sunday without having any "You Lie" moments. That said, I don't understand the brouhaha. The first amendment does indeed protect this type of free speech, particularly among our branches of government. Alito didn't stand up and shout down the President, he murmered a dissent that just happened to be caught on camera. It does however, make the majority from that decision look petulent and insecure, which I'm fine with.

Secondly, and more importantly, I find said decision to be complete and unequivocal abridgement of justice and a misreading of The Constitution the likes of which we haven't seen since the 1840s. Money is not speech and corporations are not people. If we are serious about granting corporations personhood must we then give them voting rights too? Should they be allowed fifth ammendment rights against incrimination? Are only American owned and operated companies allowed to donate? What of those companies that incorporate in the Bahamas to avoid taxation by accepting "citizenship" of another country do they void their rights? Does this allow wealthy people to create shell companies and use them to evade personal campaign donation controls?

Mark Twain famously quipped that "Clothes make the man, the naked have little or no influence on society." Surely the wealthy already have more speech than others by virtue of the power their riches command, but loosing the fetters on speech in this case seem to be directly at odds with the Bong hits 4 Jesus decision in which speech was limited. What this boils down to is that the weak (teens outside of school) are allowed to be marginalized and restrained while the powerful (corporations lobbying for their own wealth) should be allowed to wield their power with impunity and that their value is greater than the people of this land.

For all the claims of judicial restraint (as laughable as fiscal conservatism) this decision is a slippery slope that ignores any possible lip service paid to the idea of stare decisis by the "conservative" wing of the court. Surely, there are times when injustices rendered by our government in our name must be rectified to increase liberty, but I cannot see how these particular actions square with the idea of making our country a better place to live. In an era in which corporate influence commands the greater part of both of our major parties this ruling will only feed the greed and malfeasance which have lead to our nations greatest economic and social failures. Marry the fanaticism of the Tea Partiers with the bottomless resources of corporate America and it plays right into the GOP's hand. This decision is the most purely political handout we've seen since Bush v. Gore and we all know how well that one turned out.

2010-01-28T16:54:00.003-05:00

The world lost two literary luminaries in the last two days. Howard Zinn, most famous for his "People's History of the United States" and J.D. Salinger, most famous for penning one of the most annoying and overrated characters in literary history.

Salinger is best known for the wanky Holden Caulfield, but should really get more credit for his far far better Nine Stories and Franey and Zooey. Salinger gets much cachet for being the voice of a generation and a molder of youth but I often found his characters to be whiny and self-indulgent, but then again he was writing about and for baby boomers so perhaps they are right.

Of a more important note to me personally was the death of Howard Zinn. People's History is undoubtedly a groundbreaking work of history, but it is his autobiography, "You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train" that I found to have the most effect on my thinking and worldview. It is the story of his radicalization in the face of Jim Crow and the Civil Rights movement and of someone who lived a life truly based on social justice. He was not as bombastic or arrogant as Noam Chomsky and that got him overlooked much of the time, but it certainly made him the better philosopher.

2010-01-19T23:30:00.002-05:00

The better team tonight: Detroit

The winner tonight: Washington

In seasons past a game like tonight could slip away. We could come up short in a regular season, other conference game against an elite team when we were so dominant that we'd win the President's trophy by 3-5 games. This has been a season, derailed by injury and exodus, fighting for what we took for granted in the past. We didn't get the points we needed, but what I saw was a hungry team, one that wanted to win all the battles and get the points.

The players I most wanted to see were above decent for themselves but were mostly non-factors. Darren Helm has really impressed me this season. He might be the fastest player in hockey right now and he is willing to muck it in the corners. Come the spring I would love to see him paired with Franzen and Fillpula on the second line but he needs to work with Datsyuk on his stickhandling skills. Speaking of Pavel, he was very good, though he mostly took slapshots, which is not his best area of offense. He tried the dips and dangles but the Caps D was keyed up on him and Zetterberg was a half step behind him. The last is the invisible man. Nicklas Lidstrom, who may be the best defenseman in NHL history but has had an uncharasteristically bad year this year. He kept Ovechkin off the scoresheet but missed an open net and took an annoying penalty in the third.

Ozzie looked good for not having a start in a month and Bertuzzi, who though he has been effective this year, is still one of my least favorite Wings of all time (along with Hull and Hasek) was more steady and less streaky than his usual performance. They outshot the Caps 2-1 and should have won this but didn't. I was probably most surprised by Mike Green's lackluster game after being snubbed by Steve Yzerman and Mike Babcock (the Manager and Coach for Team Canada) for a spot at the Olympics in Vancouver.

In the end it was a game we can't afford to and didn't deserve to lose but did. Hopefully, these 2 points won't come back to haunt us in time for the playoffs. If we can make them, we will have a chance for having worked so hard and being in playoff mode all season. Welcome back to the pack Detroit, make yourselves stronger and want this. Fear a hungry and talented team with two good goalies in April.

2010-01-18T20:44:00.002-05:00

I am super super stoked, because this time tomorrow, I will, for the first time in my life get to see my Detroit Red Wings live and in person. Woohoo! The Fat Man and wife are season ticket holders, so when Winged Wheelers come to town, they immediately thought of me. So, many thanks to them, hopefully, I'll get to see the incredible Pavel Datsyuk do something like this:

Yeah, he's that good.

Fire Harry Reid

2010-01-11T19:41:00.002-05:00

It's time for the boxer to get out of the ring. No, it has nothing to do with the recent reports of his comments from last year about Mr. Obama's ability to turn off and on the "Negro dialect," but rather, because he is terrible at his job. As a backbench voter he might have some measure of success without costing the party too much. As the Dems leader in the Seante he is gaffe-prone and boring at best and ineffective and corrupt at worst.

I don't care about what he said, and certainly the comparisons to Trent Lott are as illogical as they are motivated by bitter partisan distraction. His massive failure on the health care bill is a perfect example of how poor a job he does. With the rise of the new fillibuster rules that require a supermajority to pass anything the Democrats need someone who can marshall much more uniformity within the caucus as well as pick off members of the other side instead of someone that keeps a D in a red state by virtue of pork. I'd love to see Russ Feingold step into the breach (or if Rahm Emanuel's rumored departure from the WH to run for Obama's old seat are true the four-fingered one) but given how utterly infuriating the national party is to me right now, they'd probably offer Joe Lieberman the job if he became and offical Dem again. Hell, that's almost as much of a joke as our current leader, and that's the problem

Wild Card Picks

2010-01-09T14:37:00.001-05:00

New York Jets at Cincinnati Bengals - The Jets benefited from ending their season against two teams resting their players, to back their way into the playoffs. Carson Palmer will most certainly best his 1-11, 0 Yards and 1 INT from last week as the Bengals continue their memorial season.

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys - The Eagles have a dynamic offense and an excellent defense. They had been playing out of their minds until last week against Dallas. Tony Romo and the Boys looked tough and ready to play in an important game for the first time I can remember. I'd say the Eagles kept things conservative so as not to give the Cowboys any idea what to expect this week knowing they would play each other again, but Andy Reid isn't that smart. That being said, Wade Phillips is a complete moron and Tony Romo is back to holding duties.

Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots - The Ravens are a good team that hasn't had the breaks go for them this season that they did last year. Ed Reed being out much of the year has certainly hurt them All season Baltimore has lost close games due to bad kicking multiple times this season and it could certainly happen again. However, without Wes Welker, NE won't be able to take it to the Ravens D. Bernard Pollard ends the Patriots season for the second straight year..

Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals - I don't trust the Packers talent level but they are playing well. The Cards are a better team, but they're not playing nearly as well. The odds favor the team at home with more talent. I am hoping this is the dopelganger of the Philly Dallas game

A Dolfan through and through.

2010-01-05T23:22:00.004-05:00

As football fan I try to keep realistic expectations for my Dolphins. Knowing that they were a better team that 1-15 squad and not quite as good as 11-5 of last year, I expected a setback this year especially given the hardest schedule in the NFL. Still they flashed a team that is three quarters done and gives me hope for a building team.

They should have beaten both the Colts and the Saints. The week two Monday nighter in Miami where Peyton Manning was in his best form and beat them with less than one quarter's worth of offensive possession was a crushingly hard loss. The jumped to an early 21-0 lead against the Saints but got cocky against a better team and suffered lazy, tactical football. They beat the Patriots once and the playoff bound (by luck of schedule) Jets and Bills twice. Losing Chad Pennington and Ronnie Brown helped them move from league best in turnover differential to 27th. Chad Henne got some good experience and Ricky Williams proved he can still do it.

The Wildcat will return but you've got to wonder when they'll pick up even a mediocre quick Offensive strike capability to keep pace with better teams. The Secondary got some needed experience this year. Jonas Grimby suggested the idea to me, and I whole-heartedly agree that the Dolphins should move Ted Ginn Jr. to DB and draft or trade for a big reciever. The single stupidest move of the Nick Saban Pyramid Scheme era was the ridculous trade down on Wes Welker so the Dolphins could draft and try to develop him. If he can perform at even the level he does as a reciever on defense it will be worth the effort.

I am hopeful for the next year but with games against the unpredictable Texans and Steelers at home; the Ravens, Bengals, Packers, and Vikings on the road and two against the Jets and Patriots it looks to be a tough setup. It's time to start looking at draft boards for the Phins, but there is still plenty of good football to be had, including the first time in my life that the Pro Bowl won't be held in Hawaii. Coming up my Wild Card Picks

2009-12-28T12:35:00.002-05:00

Jib Jab's Year in Review is back

So is Dave Barry's

Masturbatory Movie Review: Sherlock Holmes

2009-12-25T22:53:00.002-05:00

I am a big fan of Sherlock Holmes, Guy Ritchie, Robert Downey Jr., and Rachel McAdams, so I was quite pleased to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie was above passable. Since Mr. Ritchie's lamentable marriage to Madonna his films have just plain stunk. It is not unusual for a groundbreaking director to lose their touch once success and noteriety arrive (see Smith, Kevin). Though this film barely holds a candle to "Lock, Stock" or Snatch, it is a step back in the right direction.

The dialogue is witty and quickly paced (though not fully what we know he is capable of) and the trademark slo-mo fight scenes are certainly there. The notable absence of a Tarrantino-caliber soundtrack or any Madonna songs (which had appeared in all his other films) is dissapointing in the former and cheering on the latter account.

It's a glorfied Buddy-Cop movie, but Jude Law's Dr. Watson does not succumb to the stereotypical moron sidekick routine (see Lawrence, Martin; Tucker, Chris). Robert Downey Jr. does an excellent job of portraying the most famous cocaine addict in literature while not being constrained by the long shadow of previous incarnations of the charachter. The film certainly sets itself to become a franchise and there is most assuredly a lot of foreshadowing. It's very good, and definitely a nice way to pass some time over the Holidays, but you won't be missing out on anything if you wait for the DVD release.

Masturbatory Movie Review: Avatar

2009-12-22T22:38:00.002-05:00

Visually Stunning? Yes. A nice love story? Yes. A Good, albeit preachy message. Absolutely. Worth all the praise it's getting? Not really.

I liked this movie better the first time I saw it, when it was called Fern Gully. At least that offered some excellent comic relief from Robin Williams. There isn't enough Giovanni Ribissi as the Corporate shill or the badass Colonel, and they managed to keep Michelle Rodriguez from annoying me as much as she usually does. For all the talk of it being a 3D masterpiece, I didn't find it to be used enough to warrant the headache you'll have after watching three hours of it. While the CGI is incredible they do occasionally dip into the wrong parts of the uncanny valley.

For something that is supposed to be so groundbreakingly original it cribs shots, sequences and ideas from all sorts of places. Matrix Revolutions, Dances With Wolves, Apocalypse Now and the aforementioned Fern Gully all seem to have been blatantly ripped off. It seems as though I'm being a little bit harsh. It was well executed, the plot and message are excellent and the idea is certainly novel. I would definitely go see it, but save the money on the IMAX and the 3D.

"Barack Obama is Kenyan for Bill Clinton!"*

2009-12-19T19:30:00.004-05:00

Once again the liberal wing of the Democratic Party leaves sorely disappointed and disillusioned. After an extended period of corporate giveaways as Economic policy, massive deficits based on reckless tax cuts, and war in Iraq presented them a chance to swing the country back to their side with a cleavage election. A youthful, charismatic and surprisingly liberal Democrat stepped up to take on a respected war veteran and their attractive, yet idiotic VP candidate. After winning the massively riled and extremist right wing goes into full pittbull mode seeing conspiracy and Communism in every move. Attempts to reform Health Care end up killing the remaining momentum of their historic election victory as they begin to settle into the corruptible comfort of the elite.

Barack Obama must know that after 4 years of actual governing there is no way he will be able to repeat his dynamic volunteer and fundraising model from 2008. In seeking to get re-elected Mr. Obama has bet that he will need a lot of money to the fight the rabid rage of the Republicans. The easiest way to do that is to pump money to big business and wait for the kickback. From the Wall Street bailout to health care there has been little but the tepid Third Way, DLC selling out we saw from Bill Clinton. With the removal of both the Medicare buy-in and the Public Option all that remains in this bloated piece of spinelessness is a massive handout to the Insurance companies in the shape of a mandatory insurance statute that creates criminals of those who were too poor in the first place. I have to think that if Ted Kennedy and Tom Daschle had been there, this fight would have ended much differently. I think his Afghan policy is the correct one, but many on the left just want all the troops home now. He has dodged any effort on GLBT issues and on and on.

Now, Bill Clinton, despite the constant media/Republican houndings and his personal failings, ended up a very good President who managed the country well and set us on the right track. Mr. Obama could do much worse for a role model, but for those of us on the left that had the hope to dream of a new FDR it is a bitter pill to swallow. It is not without a certain amount of envy that we look to the outliers of the other party and see how they are kow-towed to, their grievances aired and catered to and wonder when it will be our turn.

I still want to believe . Because, really, what other choice is there? Now, settling into the same sort of defeatist pragmatism I'm deploring may seem hypocritical, but he is supposed to be the leader of the country. He should be pushing Democrats and the country towards the light, not getting mired in our petty stupidity. Stop letting the Republicans win every battle on the airwaves. Start twisting some arms to get the votes you need while you still have some political capital left. We've given you the hope, now show some audacity dammit.

*Back when I worked for then Sen. Clinton, she held a fundraiser for a virtually unknown politician from Chicago. In trying to explain to these mega-bucks donors why they should give the kid with the funny name money, she talked about the first time she heard Mr. Obama speak and the immediate comparison she made.

2009-07-21T01:46:00.002-04:00

Hello?

Hello?

Is this thing on?

Temporary hiatus has turned into something longer than even I expected.

You see, my computer decided to die on me. Theoretically the hard drive is ok, but in terms of actual functionality it is no mas.

Not that I'd actually have that much time for doing things since I'm still working 50-70 hours a week, but you get the idea.

Other than that life is going pretty well for a change. I got to go to the beach for the first time in a couple years and had a blast (massive sunburn and losing my phone there notwithstanding).

So, if you're reading this out there in blogland and I've been remiss in contacting you give me a ring or drop me a line because I would love to talk to you.

Rectifying a Karmic Mistake

2009-04-16T00:49:00.003-04:00

I know I said hiatus, but there is but one obsession in my life. That which will make me drop all other things, and sit at rapt attention. Hockey. Call it what you will, but I am still in love with the game that is my first memory. That game was the Hershey Bears against my favorite team of all time, the Adirondack Red Wings. When I moved as a child away from the Adirondacks and the Red Wings departed for Grand Rapids, I switched my allegiance to their parent team the Detroit Red Wings. It has been the only consistently amazing run in luck of my life outside of my family, and the reason their logo will be my next tattoo.

However, here I am at 26 years old, having seen numerous Major League Baseball games; quite a few NFL games; and even a Wizards playoff game against the Cavs (with amazing seats courtesy of Brigitte Bardot) and yet, I have have never once seen my favorite sport beyond the minor league level*. Tonight, that changed thanks to an extra seat from the Fat Man's Wife, The Environmentalist who had an extra ticket and insisted that I go with her when he could not come to the Caps v. Rangers game. Though the home team lost, I can still not stop smiling. I am praying for a Caps v. Wings final, though I don't believe either will make it that far. Now, for all of you who are still paying attention, my picks for the first round of the NHL playoffs

Boston Bruins (1) vs. Montreal Canadiens (8) - In what could be one of the most compelling series in a long time these Original Six Blood Enemies have had one of the most vicious rivalries in sports. Forget what you heard about the Packers and the Bears or the Redskins and Cowboys. The Yankees and Red Sox? They can't even try to hurt each other. The Canadiens are in their Centennial year, do you think the winningest franchise in Hockey (second only to the Yankees in all of professional sport) doesn't want to win against their loathsome enemy? The last game of the season for both was against the other in a preview of what will be a hard hitting, high finesse game. Bruins in 7 ugly games

Washington Capitals (2) vs. New York Rangers (7) - The Caps face the unenviable spot of the feared 2 vs. 5 upset. They outplayed and outshot the Rangers for the vast majority of the game, but faced much better goaltending. The Capitals are a hot pick and who wouldn't be when you have the most exciting player in hockey and one of my favorite players of all time Sergei Federov. Their greatest problem all season came from a defense that is young and high scoring but not yet responsible enough to be great (give it 2 years) and a goaltender that gives up terrible rebounds and soft, top shelf goals when he lets himself lapse. Which basically occurs any time he's not in a contract year. Bruce Boudreau needs to let his young Defensemen pinch in a little more to create better chances. Sean Avery has already picked his target for this series and it's going to be Nicklas Backstrom. Several times during the game Avery went after Backstrom and tried to get under his skin. Watch for Backstrom or Brasher (when he gets back from injury) to take on the Terrell Owens of Hockey. The Caps still win this one, in six

New Jersey Devils (3) vs. Carolina Hurricanes (6) - I think the Devils are the team to beat in the East. Martin Brodeur is proving that he may indeed be the best goaltender of all time on a team that can finally score goals. With backup Kevin Weekes gone to injury the Devils will be backstopped by the man who took over for Brodeur and proved to be, incidentally, amazing Scott Clemenson. A Devils team that can score? Jersey in 4, and I like the Hurricanes

Philadelphia Flyers (4) vs. Pittsburgh Penguins (5) The battle of Pennsylvania. A familiar first round matchup for the Flyers. The most balanced scoring attack in Hockey with six 20+ goal scorers against two of the top three scorers in the league, a bunch of young grinders and an overhyped French-Canadian Goalie. Same result as last time, much to the chagrin of Gary Bettman: Broad Street Bullies in 6

San Jose Sharks (1) vs. Anaheim Ducks(8) - The battle of California. There, but for the grace of God go I. The best team in the NHL this year against the best team of the last month and most brutal team in the league the Ducks. The Ducks will Stalwart Hall of Fame goalie Jean Sebastian Giguere in favor of the hot, young Ike Hilliard as their goalie against workhourse Evgeni Nabokov. I see the Sharks winning this one in 6, maybe 7, if they can get it done earlier it would help them a lot. A drawn out series against the Ducks could spell long term disaster for their Stanley Cup hopes.

Detroit Red Wings (2) vs. Columbus Blue Jackets (7) - I have not seen the fire in the belly from this team that is necessary for them to repeat as champions. Nick Lidstrom is not his usual self and the defense has suffered as a result. The addition of Hossa has disrupted the chemistry of Datsyuk and Zetterberg. Datsyuk should be in the running with Malkin and Ovechkin for Hart Trophy (MVP) consideration and he is without a doubt the most complete player in the league. Pavel has simply become the most complete player in the league. He is small by Hockey standards which allows him to Deke through any defense, but it his ability to saucer pass perfectly; rack up minutes that number one defensemen on most teams would find daunting thanks to his Penalty Kill and Power Play time; who plays so well defensively that he is the reigning Selke Trophy (best defensive forward) winner, leads his team in hits yet has won the Lady Bing (sportsmanlike conduct) for three years in a row. That said, the magic he created with Hank last season seems to be gone by splitting them up amidst the worry that Hossa and Franzen would not work well together given their both being free agents fighting between the two of them for the remaining Salary Cap room. The much more natural line alignment would be last year's number one line of Holmstrom, Zetterberg, Datsyuk with a number two Franzen, Cleary and Hossa. Hopefully Franzen's new deal will alleviate some of that and Marian can decide to stay or go. I don't like the length of the contract (11 years) for someone who has often been injured. I was only sort of alright with the Zetterberg 12 year contract. They are handicapping themselves to a future that looks mighty ugly if the salary cap decreases and/or those players don't achieve Chelios levels of longevity. When the team can't afford to invest in a halfway decent goalie to compliment their team they can't have that many big contracts on long term

I'm off my soap box now and though I don't like my teams chances to win The Cup unless the schedule breaks their way I do like them to win this series. It will be a lot tougher than people think. This is the first trip to the playoffs in Blue Jackets history and Rick Nash deserves it. Backed by Calder Trophy (best rookie) winner Steve Mason the Jackets are looking to take a run at making Ohio vs. Michigan more than just a college football rivalry. Detroit has come in heavily favored and run into a buzzsaw of a hot young goalie before (see Irbe, Arture; Giguere, Jean Sebastian) and their goaltending leaves much to be desired. The close travel schedule and inexperienced opponent should allow the Wings to take this one in 5

Vancouver Canucks (3) vs. St. Louis Blues (6) - The Blues have been red hot lately ending their playoff drought and sprinting into the playoffs. Their rookie goalie named Mason (Chris in this case) ought to also be considered for Calder winner but their team is lead by gritty veterans and hard hitting youngsters. Vancouver has one of the best goalies in the game, twins who are in a contract year and incredibly gifted players, and a Hall of Fame level, veteran power forward who is rested because he only played a half year this year. Nucks in 5

Chicago Blackhawks (4) vs. Calgary Flames (5) - Youth and a tolerant coaching style against experience and a Gordon Ramsey approach behind the bench makes this a Yin and Yang Series. The Blackhawks brought in Cristobal Huet and watched him dry up like so many Patrick Roy impersonators (see Theodore, Jose) but cause that arrival to stimulate Nikolai Khabibulin to start acting like the goalie they signed away from Cup Champion Tampa Bay five years ago. The Bulin Wall wins this battle against the overworked Mikka Kiprisoff. Hawks in 6

*I can't believe you read all of this. By some random sort of kizmet the last game I saw live was the Rochester Amerks, then coached by current Rangers coach John Torterella against the current Caps farm team and aforementioned Hershey Bears. As fortune would have it Torterella won both matches.

Hiatus

2009-04-11T13:46:00.003-04:00

Today will be my 12th straight day of work, and next week we start opening for lunch which means double shifts 6 days a week. I was supposed to have my only day off this week on Sunday, after switching with someone, but then she got fired last night so now my only day off this week is gone. And there is that whole trying to find a new apartment thing, made more difficult by The Canadienne being unable to room with me as was the plan. All of that is keeping me from having the time necessary to devote to this blog and a lot of other things in my life. So I'm going to have to let my already anemic posting rate slip to nill for a little bit.

Thanks to all of you for your patience, good thoughts and continued readership. I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

The Fightin' 25th!

2009-04-08T13:36:00.002-04:00

New York's 25th District is represented by Dan Maffei and is near to my own home district in Western NY. Foolishly and funnily Rep. Maffei agreed to be interviewed by Stephen Colbert for his Better Know a District series. I appreciated this interview and some of its local trivia. Bonus: NAMBLA Reference!

An Early Easter Gift From the Internet

2009-04-08T13:30:00.000-04:00

2009-04-08T12:59:00.002-04:00

It was my one day off this week, and I still had to go to work for menu classes for when we start doing lunch next week. All that means is that the 6 days at 9 hours a day is about to become 6 days at 14-15 hours a day next week until we get sufficiently staffed to handle the restaurant. I return to the apartment to see that the landlords have paid a visit to my roomate's room, threatening him with small claims court and to throw his stuff out into the street and to show they were serious slashing his air mattress open. Or should I say my air mattress. Certainly they have every right to be furious with the Black Poodle, but I refuse to be caught in the middle of this, especially should it come to my things being tossed into the street.

I try to calm down and take care of the numerous things that need doing, apartment searching, laundry, beginning to pack again two months after unpacking (ugh) and even manage to get to bed early in hopes of offsetting the increasingly Rhianna-like bags under my eyes (too soon?). Alas it wasn't to be. One of the other tenants warned me that they would attempt to make our lives miserable and the never ending parade of stomping boots and moving furniture that has begun upstairs coupled with theloud music with heavy bass left on all night shows they are serious and non-discriminatory. After awhile I manage to fall asleep only to hear the Black Poodle and Landlord #1 (who he had called down to explain the slashed bed and note addressed "Dear FuckFace") screaming at each other. It was truly enthralling to hear them scream back and forth about how everyone had warned each of them (some of the same people on both sides) not to live with the other because of their various reputations and how everyone was concerned with my feelings and not screwing me over (as though their various behaviours had nothing to do with what got us here instead of everything).

Now my potential new roomate is having visa troubles and I'm stuck trying to figure out where to go from here. I'm happy to be leaving I just wish I had more time to prepare for it. At least I have Sunday off. Not sure what I will do with my Easter, but I'm hoping it will be relaxing and peaceful, I certainly need it

2009-04-03T12:48:00.004-04:00

Thoughts and prayers to those who are being held hostage or have been shot in Binghamton. I just can't wait for that certain set of Right Wingers to start screaming about how this is God's Wrath for the mayor's decision four years ago to push his city to the forefront of legalizing gay marriage. But then again, they probably can't wait for me to start talking gun control after this. None of that is important now though, that is first and foremost the safety of those in that building.

TAIF - Thank Adonis It's Friday

2009-04-03T11:23:00.004-04:00

More importantly, thank the Iowa Supreme Court on this Friday for it's unanimous decision overturning the state's ten year ban on same sex marriages. Just so everyone knows, Freakazoid is ok, and even better my old friend The Jersey Queen will be joining me at my new restaurant, with his first day of training today.

36 Hours in DC

Amazing Satellite Views

Puns from Toronto

Flickr pool of people reenacting Far Side Cartoons

The Weird Picture Archive

Some cool tools for organizing your music collection

Regional Foods from around the country

Kermit Sings The Talking Heads

Snow White set to Daft Punk

April Fools was this week, in that honor, one of the coolest and most successful pranks ever. The BBC ran this report about the Spaghetti Harvest in Italy. Yeah, you read that right

I don't think my Wings will win the Stanley Cup this year, the passion (and more importantly goaltending) hasn't been there this year. That doesn't mean they don't have a chance, just that they aren't playing with the focus and determination of last year. That said, this goal from last night is friggin sweet.

Death Treads Lightly Collecting in Threes

2009-04-02T13:53:00.003-04:00

Thumbs Down to Me for no Thursday thumbs again this week.

But I do have one of my only-to-me stories to tell.

Among the waiters and bartenders that left the old gig for the new we also snatched some of the better busboys, chief among them Babylove. He reminds me of my first best friend Mike. Both were strong, easy-going, big hearted and did what they had to do to ensure their family's survival. Babylove, like Mike had an absent father and lost his mother this week to cancer, so I agreed to go out drinking with him and some other people from work. All was fun and games, dancing, drinking good times and we decided to head back to our place afterwards for some afterpartying with Babylove, Hostess Mostess, Black Poodle and Freakazoid (another busboy).

Around 3 Babylove and Freakazoid decided to leave and asked if I could walk them out to hail a taxi (much easier for the gringo). Babylove and I are talking when Freakazoid starts grabbing his chest, his eyes rolling back into his head and his breathing becomes labored. We're unsure what to do but decide to try and take him to the Hospital. We grab him under each shoulder and start dragging him along. After 3 blocks he says he cannot go any farther, so I decide to try and get someone to help (I'd left my phone in the apt thinking I'd just be gone for a second).

I flagged down a taxi, but when I told him where I needed to go he floored it, running right over my foot. Ass. No one was stopping and I was getting increasingly frantic. I tried running in the middle of the street so they'd have to stop, or someone would call the cops on me and I could get them to help. Finally, a man in a nice car pulls over and asks me what the problem is. I explain the situation and he starts driving back in the direction of Freakazoid and Babylove. "So your friend is really hurt?" he says "Yes," I say, my voice starting to break in panic as I think of him dying from something as simple as an asthma attack.

"Easy sweetheart, we'll get your 'friend' some help," he says as he reaches over and strokes my cheek.
"What the Fuck man, I'm serious. Let me out of the car."
"I was just joking, come on, we're almost there"
"No, I'm sorry I wasted your time, but I need to get my friend some help"
"Look, we'll get your friend some help and then you can repay me for my kindness"
"I'm getting out now"

So I leave and start running back to where they were, and they are nowhere to be seen. I run home to get my phone and try calling Babylove, but there is no answer. Uneasily I give up and try for elusive sleep, but the only thing running through my recently rattled mind was if I had just seen someone dying again. Today, I'll find out whethere he lived or died as I go back in to work.

SURPRISE!

2009-03-29T10:29:00.004-04:00

I'm beat tired and not in the weeds, but definitely busier than my frazzled brain is willing to deal with. I look over and groan a little inside as the hostess seats me another table. That lady looks like my Aunt I think, I approach and it is her, but not just her, my parents are there. They flew into DC for a day and a half to surprise me for my birthday. I was so shocked and happy, it was exactly what I needed and by far the best birthday present I could get.

This morning I met them for brunch/cherry blossom walk/museum trip and it was splendid. The weather which had been threatening and been listed as possible thunderstorms broke into beautiful sunshine and warmth just as we were beginning to walk around the Tidal Basin. A goodbye to what has been a shitty year and hello to a new one that will, I hope, be better. Twenty-five, you sucked ass. Twenty-six, I hope you're better.

THIF - Thank Hesita It's Friday

2009-03-27T13:51:00.003-04:00

I'm still pretty pissed about the eviction notice, but I have a meeting with one of the landlords this afternoon to try and get to an agreement. So this weeks flog is dedicated to Hestia, the goddess of house and home.

One of the most awesome TV shows ever created was Cosmos with Carl Sagan. Now, all the episodes are available on hulu!

Awesome tilt-shift/time lapse video

50 strange buildings

Debunking the myths about Guinness

Get an email that tells you when your favorite shows are on or new books and music from your favorite author or band from this site

Correspondence between Ghandi and Einstein. Incredible.

Thru-you remixes and mashes up youtube videos and makes some pretty good music with them

A neat collection of dialect maps

How to make sound effects

an ongoing project to cover all Beatles songs on ukelele

Tits or GTFO

2009-03-27T02:09:00.002-04:00

As has been mentioned before, my living situation has become entirely ridiculous. It went beyond that yesterday. A day after I had to wake up at 7 to go down and put the bills in my name (because pepco blows) I was handed an eviction notice at my job. Yes, my roomate is a month behind on the rent, which was a known commodity before we ever moved in. That I had to find out because my manager handed me my notice of eviction is beyond ridiculous.

So here I sit, trying to figure out what the hell my life has become, and where I'm going to live. I was planning on moving the rest of my stuff out of storage tomorrow, and now I'm looking for a new apartment. Happy Birthday me!

If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

Per a Request

2009-03-19T12:32:00.004-04:00

What a fiasco this AIG mess has become. I'm pretty livid about this bonus situation, but not in the way you might think. AIG has, so far, received over $173 Billion dollars in Federal Bailout money. While I think that's a hugely, terribly large amount of money for the people who screwed this up, the bonus money that is being distributed amounts to $165 Million. That is less than 0.1% of the total money given to AIG. I would love to know who got how much of that money and it would be a great step towards atonement for those who received excessive bonuses give much of it back (fat chance) or sent to prison for criminal negligence and greed. The real culprit in all this are the people who set them up for the fall.

However, what is really bothering me about this whole situation is the grandstanding on Capitol Hill. It's not like these concerns were not voiced when the original bailout was passed. The Republicans and some Democrats who insisted that the bonus structure needed to remain in place to prevent brain drain, which wouldn't have necessarily been a bad thing, then spent the next 4 months building a repugnant media meme of the elite "going Galt" (and forcing me to listen to cultic Rand devotees) without their bonuses. Surprise! They took their bonuses! Now these same politicians who, a week ago, were talking of a Galtian uprising of the elites who would take their private jets and go home, are screaming populism and disgust and why should the American people give bonuses to the affluent bastards who started this problem.

This is the ultimate result of Reagan/Bush Republicanism. Greenspan et al act surprised when these people act greedily, when they set up the deregulation and weakening of oversight to such a degree that it set up this mess. In the hothouse cooker of Wall St. where the fertilizer is the mantra that "Greed is Good" and every banking toolbag with a sense of entitlement competes to be the tallest, to block out the weaker ones they act surprised when some people evolve a reckless abandon for the rules. The dark dirty secret of all these Creationism spouting politicians in the GOP is that they believe in (Social) Darwinism and it is the core of their economic and social creed. There is, of course, some merit in that philosophy when it occupies a portion of the political spectrum, not a greedy majority. The problem is that the worship at the altar of an unfettered economy is no longer a single party phenomenon. About half of the Democratic Caucus supplicates itself to demands for unreasonably low taxes on the superwealthy and the elimination of regulation and oversight. It is the natural outgrowth of the Clinton, DLC, triangulation, sucking up to business and their campaign dollars to compete with the Republicans. This has left the country without a check on the excess of the business class. When one goes too far in one direction it must, inevitably come back, and the question now is will it come back in time to save us from a massive depression.

I'm not shocked at the elements hypocrisy, greed and self-aggrandizement, it's been obvious for years, I'm just tired of it. I'm not shocked at the results of such greed, vanity and stupidity, it's been obvious for years, I'm just tired of it. I would like to know how much voice Obama had in the bailout specifics because it all happened during the lame-duck period. I'm sure there was at least some deference to his preferences and clearly not all the information was passed over. But I do know that he is still cautious enough as a politician to have talked a slightly bigger game on repudiating money and influence than he has thus far been able to or want to achieve. Even with his army of support and gobs of money he will not be the Socialist he is made out to be.

So, let them have their bonuses, for many it's the only paycheck they're going to get. But you cannot cry foul when you left it in the rules that they could have them. You cannot score political points on failing to fix the mess you created in the first place. Something has to change in the Political-Economic complex in Washington and it's bigger than AIG, Bernie Madoff, Bear Stearns or Citibank. The cause aren't the firms that stretched too far, it's endemic and until that changes we will always have these problems.

2009-03-18T12:24:00.002-04:00

Tom Hanks and Dan Aykroyd were in a movie based on Dragnet in the 80s. To promote the film they created this rap video. You're welcome. Even better they got Aykroyd's name wrong.

Post about last night's ridiculousness is coming. Including such highlights as Yes, NoVa is still The South and a metro worker is actually helpful!

Tunesday Tunes - Luck 'O The Irish Edition

2009-03-17T10:41:00.005-04:00

Dropkick Murphy's - Amazing Grace Anyone who's been out drinking with me at a place with a jukebox has probably heard me play this kickass version of an overused Irish Staple

Johnny Cash - Oh Danny Boy Johnny Cash does it again, turning a classic into his own

Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies (2nd track)

U2 - Whiskey In The Jar (Live in Dublin) Live sing-a-long so less Bono doucheyness than usual

Flogging Molly - Rebels of The Sacred Heart

Metallica - Whiskey In The Jar

Keltic Cowboys - Kiss My Irish Ass

Bing Crosby - When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

Flogging Molly - Fuck You I'm Drunk

The Greatest Sin is To Not Live

2009-03-15T10:46:00.003-04:00

When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the soul laughs for what it has found.
~ Sufi aphorism

The call came as I prepared to leave work after a 12 hour day. "We don't know who you are, but our daughter has been calling you a lot lately and we thought you should know." With that simple sentence a whole world of misery came flooding back. I've been here before, and I don't like it. The details come through the phone, but I don't hear them. My mind is reeling with the implication. A life gone. A life gone before its time. A talented, beautiful, intelligent life gone.

Everyone is so afraid of death, but the real sufis just laugh: nothing tyrannizes their hearts. What strikes the oyster shell does not damage the pearl.
~ Jalalu'l-Din Rumi, Sufi Philosopher

There are things in this life that make us pause and consider how fleeting life is. We rush through life trying to eke out a living, not realizing that we often lose the precious gift that each moment is. We believe they will always be there and that we will catch them later. We lose ourselves in the mundanity of being, without appreciating life's bounty. We often risk it all for what, in retrospect, is nothing.

Goodbye my Persian Princess.

2009-03-14T02:42:00.000-04:00

Happy Steak and Blowjob/Pi/Einstein's Birthday

2009-03-13T10:45:00.001-04:00

Sorry, no link flog this week. Ive got way too much on my plate learning new things for the new job and other things going on in my life.

Which brings me to Thumbs Down to the Universe for the big WTF you just tossed my way.

Nemesis

2009-03-10T21:55:00.002-04:00

Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.
-Brick Top, Snatch

Today was day one of menu training for the new restaurant which meant a charming rundown of the first half of the wine list (250 Bottles). My college education (read sitting through extended boring lectures) had prepared me for the three hour presentation on Italian Reds. But that was not the problem. Making my way back to the metro I stopped short, there again was the crazy Anti-German lady.

Fuck, she saw me. DEUTSCHLAND DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES she started scream/singing at me and started walking towards me. Lovely. I turned tail and began walking in the opposite direction pretending that in the middle of downtown, rush hour Washington I wasn't being chased by a toothless lady chanting the Nazi National Anthem at me. Anyone know of a nearby pig farm?

2009-03-09T00:20:00.002-04:00

Gene Weingarten is the Washington Post's Sunday Magazine humorist and one of the most gifted writers I have ever read. Usually he is light hearted and hilarious but when he does a serious piece I generally take notice as it is invariably incredible. Today while I was out and about I saw four different people absolutely gripped to reading this article about accidental child death in cars. It is heart rending and difficult to read but absolutely worht it.

TAIF - Thank Angerona It's Friday

2009-03-06T14:35:00.004-05:00

Angerona is the Roman Goddess in charge of dispelling emotional trauma. She is also known as Volupia. That's all I have time for before I have to go to work. Enjoy.

24 hours at Abbey Road

Evolution of the American Household

Hockey fights are a dime a dozen, paraplegic sledge hockey fights, that's awesome

Mr. Rogers breakdances

Most pointless website, but a great sound effect

Lego NY

Notes from Mom

How to drink for cheap, while still drinking well

Beer Bottle Dominos

Great Satellite views of earth

Thursday Thumbs vol XXXVI -

2009-03-05T13:05:00.004-05:00

Thumbs Up to Pope Benedict XVI for his recent ruling that Evolution, and indeed all scientific thought, is not mutually exclusive of religion. This is an enlightened approach that is long overdue. I still disagree with what much of the former Cardinal Ratzinger has done, but on this matter he is in the right.

Thumbs Down to Michael Jackson, or whatever is left of what used to be Michael Jackson, for announcing a new tour. Seriously dude, just give it up. Retire with your dwindling savings, sell the Beatles cataloge back to Sir Paul and live in your own world. Stop the Crazy!

Thumbs Up to the New York State Senate, which is finally under Democratic control and is poised to repeal the states noxious Rockefeller Drug laws, the most stringent and oppressive in the nation.

Thumbs Up to Big Love on HBO, a recent storyline had the cast on a families vacation to Palmyra, NY for the Hill Cumorah Paegant. As has been mentioned I hail from Western NY so it was quite the pleasure to see them visiting the founding area of Mormonism and an even better surprise to see how well they did their research. Playing in the background of one scene was the most popular local news station (WHAM 13) and their weatherman Doug Johnson. Most wouldn't notice, but it's that sort of attention to accuracy that I applaud.

Thumbs Up to the International Criminal Court for issuing an arrest warrant on genocide charges against Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir. It is long overdue and will hopefully galvanize some sort of concerted action on the part of world powers. I shan't however, hold my breath.

Thumbs Up to Paul Harvey who passed away this week. I may not have always agreed with his politics, but his voice on the radio and his "rest of the story" anecdotes were always a welcome understanding that the fairy tale lives of celebrities and successful people were not always what they, at first blush, would seem. The world will miss you.

Thumbs Up to the Dallas Cowboys for releasing Terrel Owens. Enough said.

In Which Our Intrepid Hero Meets His Bizarre Destiny Again

2009-03-05T12:45:00.003-05:00

There are strange things that happen to people in their lives that they remember as stand out bizarre moments. Usually however, such events are limited. For myself, it tends to be more frequent. I am, to put it mildly, a freak magnet. So, the blogging Gods must have decided that yesterday, in order to get me to the 500th post on this here blog, they would give me some fodder. I applied for a new job with my old manager at his new restaurant downtown. From the creators of Zola comes Potenza, 2 blocks from the White House and it's gonna be fantastic. A perfunctory interview and I am in the door and begin training next week. I'm very excited to be making money, and the fact that we're bringing the entire staff (I mean bartenders, waiters, busboys and some kitchen people too) over will be fantastic.

After my interview I walked with my old, and soon to be new again manager to Staples because they had run out of applications. As we were stopped at a crosswalk a little old lady came up to me and asked in a mild voice, "Are you German?" No, I replied (though that isn't strictly true, I am 1/4 German, but those came over in 1848) "YES YOU ARE, I HATE THE FUCKING GERMANS," She screamed as her tongue ran over the three remaining, blackened and broken teeth on her bottom jaw. "I turned away to avoid the crazy but she ran around in front of me, dragging her cart along and cursing at me in a language I couldn't identify (because of rage and lack of diction). "Get out of here" my manager said. "Stay out of this Italy" she fumed, correctly surmising his ethnicity. Then she returned to poking me in the chest. I backed away and she spit on me.

Yes, a little old lady spit on me. And it was still a good day.

My manager started laughing hysterically. Thankfully I noticed the light had changed and I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him across the street. I survived the rest of the day without being spit on by anyone else.

Tunesday Tracks - Everyone Get Funky

2009-03-03T18:18:00.003-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I posted up some music for you all to listen to, so I'm gonna take this chance to kick it retro style and give you all some funkified love for this Tuesday

Earth, Wind & Fire - Let's Groove Tonight

Hot Chocolate - You Sexy Thing (I Believe in Miracles)

Kool & The Gange - Get Down On It

The Commodores - Brick House

Rick James - Super Freak

Kool & The Gang - Jungle Boogie

Stevie Wonder - Master Blaster (Jammin')

Fat Larry's Band - Act Like You Know

The Five Stairsteps - Ooh Child

The Detriot Spinners - Ghetto Child

The Main Event?

2009-03-03T17:49:00.003-05:00

t is tough for a party that is in the political wilderness, hanging onto any power by one single vote, to get its message out to the people. There is no single leader of the Republican Party out there. Boehner is a third rate actor playing Hamlet. McConnell a doddering grandpa who only benefits from having Harry Reid as a counterpoint. Michael Steele has done his best to make himself a caricature. Sarah Palin is a caricature. Mitt Romney has proved himself to be good at saying 'I told you so,' but not much else and Bobby Jindal so botched his national rollout that he won't be the go-to guy for awhile. Newt Gingrich seems the most likely, though his "new ideas" are almost 2 decades old now. Others who could step up have chosen not to just yet, recognizing the political quicksand the Republican Party has found itself in.

Enter the one Republican who is willing to scream unabashedly that the movement isn't dead and that the GOP just needs to rally round the flag (it's own, the national flag is less important to them than power). Yes Virginia, Rush Limbaugh is back. After 8 years of not having anyone to pick on El Rushbo wants to prove he's the only one with the stones to take on Obama and the Democrats. His comments that he hopes Obama, and by extension, America fails is the kind of unpatriotic talk that he has often falsely attributed to Democrats. Were it Keith Olberman who had said such things there would be a national lynch mob whipped into a frenzy exactly by Mr. Limbaugh and his ilk. Yet he gets a free pass, largely based on his longstanding meme of media bias making many afraid to touch him. Few people could survive the scandals he has and remain in his position of prominence. He's recent speeches at CPAC have positioned him as the leader of the Republican Party in exile.

Mr. Obama and the Democrats are more than happy to pick that particular battle, realizing that Rush's outlandish attention whoring and radical views will alienate more than it informs and captures. However, they must do this in an intelligent way, it is beneath the dignity of the President to take on a radio yakker, as Mr. Obama did this past week. They must also realize that the taubla rasa of people's minds that allowed them to reach the Presidency is the same that has allowed Rush to accrue such a large and vhement following. By sinking to his level they run the risk of giving up the high ground that they automatically assume will always be theirs. There is a reason that Mr. Limbaugh has been around so long and that his glory years were during the reign of the previous, and also very popular, Democratic President. So yes, elevate Mr. Limbaugh to be the voice of the GOP, that is a long-term winner of a strategy, but don't debate or bash him. Let him do his own damage. The recent Republican kow-towing after mildly critical comments show that he has more power among the Republican base than among the general public. Don't set it up as a Rush vs. The Dems, or Rush vs. Obama, that gives him to much credit. Make the battle Rush vs. Common Sense and Patriotism and you will win in the long run.

2009-03-03T17:36:00.002-05:00

I am rather ambivalent about President Obama's (that still feels good to say/write) pick of Kathleen Sebellius as head of HHS. I like Sebellius, and indeed she would've been one of my leading choices to be VP for Obama, and was very excited at the prospect of her challenging for a Senate seat and helping to replace some of the Democratic Brain Drain that has gone on there while taking away a reliably Republican seat. I think she is an excellent administrator and will serve admirably.

However, there are two things I don't like about the Sebellius pick. The first is that she is the only Democrat who could win the Senate seat from Kansas, which I think is almost more valuable than having her at HHS . The Second is that she is not Tom Daschle. Now, I've never been a Daschle fan, but the man has the largest political base of any Democrat not named Clinton in Washington. There are many people who are indebted to him for their political lives and though I never really liked him as majority leader, he does have knowledge of the institution that would have been vital in passing something as controversial (at least to the Republican leadership) as sweeping healthcare reform. While Sebellius does indeed have years of experience working with a hostile Republican opposition her experience isn't in this particular brand of partisan infighting and these Republicans won't be afraid to slam her as best they can.

It's somewhat annoying that I'm displeased with the nomination of a Democrat I'm really high on and think has a big future in the party while I'm lamenting the loss of one I never particularly liked and always thought was overrated. But sometimes politics makes for odd situations like that. But I think Healthcare reform is so long overdue for the sake of both our citizens and our economy that I'm applauding anyone who I think can get the job done.

TAIF - Thank Amaterasu It's Friday

2009-02-27T14:14:00.003-05:00

It's a bit late in coming up, but this week's flog is dedicated to Amaterasu the Supreme Japanese Goddess

Interactive map of the Simpson's Springfield.

A look at the demographic makeup of people on various social networking sites

Incredible satellite views of Earth

Oregon Trail! (via The Baltimoron)

Sorry-mom.com a website for women to confess the terrible decisions they make in sleeping with terrible men

F*** My Life has been my new addiction. People sharing their most embarrassing and painful stories

Hilarious Police Blotters

A list of actors who lost or gained a lot of weight for specific roles

Spectacular set of facepainting photos

Someone is getting fired

Darwin Awards, now with video!

I Got No Reservations

2009-02-25T17:19:00.002-05:00

For those of you who are regular readers of this space know that I am a massive fan of one, Anthony Bourdain. However, without a TV and with Travel Channel only wanting to sell their shows, I've been unable to catch the latest season. So, I was pleasantly surprised to see that YouTuber ArcApex has a channel devoted to putting up the latest episodes. Phillipenes, Mexico, Venice and my adopted hometown of Washington, DC (featured later this season will be my neighboring hometown of Buffalo pitted in a mixed episode with my dear friend's Baltimore). Furthermore the episode on Food Porn is unbelievable in making one hungry as possible.

Sorry posting has been so light lately, my landlord changed the firewall last thursday and only got around to getting me the new WEP key yesterday. This is the mildest problem in what is becoming an ugly situation, only three weeks in.

Thursday Thumbs - Vol XXXV Look I Made It On Time!

2009-02-20T03:12:00.003-05:00

Thumbs Down to Dubai for it's decision to ban Israeli tennis player Shahar Peer from the Dubai Classic merely for the fact that she is Israeli. Sport is supposed to be about something better than Nationalism. Surely it incorporates national identity, but the idea of sport is that the best should be given the chance to participate regardless of race, sex, religion, or nationality.

Thumbs Up to Sen Sherrod Brown who flew back to Washington between his mother's wake and funeral to vote on the Stimulus Plan. When others would have taken this event to ignore their duties and constituents, Sen. Brown showed his mettle.

Thumbs Down to Gov. Bobby Jindal for his lackluster and momentum killing response to the non-State of the Union. The response is a fundamentally terrible moment for any politician, one-on-one with the camera (no applause lines) that often falls flat without a chance to formulate an honest and effective rebuttal. But by all accounts and my own frequent cringes Gov. Jindal flubbed a good opportunity to come out swinging. Launching your national career after the first African-American President gives his first speech to a joint session of congress is not the brightest of starts

Thumbs Up to You Know Who You Are. You know why, Thank You!

Tunesday Tracks (an overdue music review edition)

2009-02-16T00:48:00.003-05:00

PM Favorites Mathpanada finally released their first CD back on Inauguration Day and I would be utterly remiss as both friend and fan to not give a shoutout to a superb piece of music (as the whole CD is one long mobius strip that starts where it ends and blends seamlessly, a tribute to the production values and visionary talent of the group).

My favorite tracks are the head bobbingly wicked "Brand Gnu," and the driving newest entry to my workout mix of "Razorminds." "Expect Torrents" is another excellent song reinforced with it's catchy chanting chorus that has been repeatedly stuck in my head since I first heard it. The band brings their own intellectual twist on hiphop and manages to catch much of the spirit of their live performances and the extended freestyle sessions that make their shows so much fun. Go, check out their stuff. Buy it off their myspace page or iTunes if you have to, just get it. You won't be dissapointed, I promise.

Some Belated Valentines Images

2009-02-15T23:29:00.007-05:00

A fairly uneventful evening last night all told. I was looking through my collected funny internet images today and realized how many of them were Valentine's relevant, so I thought I'd post some of them for those who had a nice Valentines last night and those who did not. Life is still hectic as I try to move into my new apartment and figure things out. All this is not helped by having my debit card frozen (someone accessed my account info and stole all of the little money I had to begin with). But Valentine's Day itself was boring (and even, dare I say fun at the end), which was a big relief after the fiasco of last year's VDay.

TCIF - Thank Cupid It's Friday

2009-02-13T13:46:00.004-05:00

You all know who the cherubic marksman of the heart is so I shan't bore you with the details (unless you want them). Tomorrow night is the least loved night of the restaurant industry year (Mother's Day being a close second). Deuce after Deuce as far as the eye can see occasionally broken by a large table of single friends pretending they don't care about the couples canoodling around them. Tipping is generally poor, even at tables where things go well and specialty drinks and menus cause breakdowns at the bar and in the kitchen. Who knows, after work tonight I'm going to see Cato K, maybe Cupid can catch up with me there.

I Lego NY

Terrible Minor League Hockey Promotional Night Jerseys

Giraffe Fight

A blog devoted to collecting character tattoos that are wrong

Mirriam-Webster now has pronunciations for words and phrases on their websites. My favorite is the second sample for "son of a bitch"

With Easter just around the corner, melting chocolate bunnies

Beer Bottle Dominoes

Interesting page taking old random photographs and replacing people with a sketch.

Pictures from the Obama Inauguration. Front Pages of papers from around the world from the day after. Notice only ONE paper featured George W. Bush

All 185 Beatles songs ranked. Pick your bones and disagree, it's a great topic to debate

Thursday Thumbs vol. XXXIV - The Cock Crows Edition

2009-02-12T11:49:00.004-05:00

Thumbs Down to Michael Steele for being crooked and losing his job as RNC chair. Glad to see it's not just Democrats that are shooting themselves in the foot again.

Thumbs Up to Charles Darwin who would be 200 years old today. The author of the Origin of the Species, and co-creator of the ideas of natural selection and survival of the fitest. His brilliant observations have been flummoxing religious zealots for quite awhile now. Cheers to you Mr. Darwing for all you did for science.

Thumbs Up to Abraham Lincoln who would be 2oo years old today. The Great Emancipator, the man who saved the Union, an incredible mind, temper and perhaps our greatest President of all time. Cheers to you Mr. Lincoln for all you did for our nation.

Thumbs Down to Sheriff Leon Lott. Sheriff Lott merits a second straight week of disapproval with his charging of EIGHT people in relation to the Michael Phelps Pot Smoking Scandal! Phelps himself will not be charged bu the people who live in the house where the picture was taken now are being charged. It was good that they declined charges against Phelps, but terrible that they persued the other people. What a stupid waste. Which brings us to...

Thumbs Down to A-Roid. Alex Rodriguez, the most talented choke artist in the history of baseball tested positive for Steroids back in 2003, the contract year which set him up for his unprecedented 10 year $250 Million contract. A-Roid, for taking a performance enhancing drug, will not be suspended 3 months or lose any endorsements like Phelps will for smoking a little weed when he was taking a break from swimming anyway. The perfect example of the messed up priorities of the War On Drugs.

Out Of The Pot and Into The Fire

2009-02-12T11:33:00.002-05:00

When I left my old apartment for the new, what I knew I would miss least of all would be the 5-7 AM, 4 days a week Garbage truck wake-up call. I thought those early hour wake ups were a thing of the past.

silly me.

The first night I moved in I couldn't sleep til 6, woke up at 7 when the gas guy came to turn things on. He left at 7:30, but the gas company is also replacing lines along the street in front of my apartment, and since I have the front room it means that they start their 8AM jackhammering about 20 feet from my head. As you can imagine this makes regular days miserable and hangover days hell on wheels. They keep this up for about 3 hours and then call it a day.

This morning was the lucky morning that they decided to do my house. So they knocked on the front door over and over til I finally gave up trying to ignore them and tried to answer the door. The problem with that is that the door is broken badly and hasn't been replaced yet. Since this is Shaw and having a broken door isn't a good idea I have reinforced it with a very heavy bookshelf, which I then had to move to tell the guys that yes, I was indeed here. "Well, we're gonna be a little loud, just so you know."

If looks could kill, there would be several bodies and a police investigation.

Things That Could Have Been Brought To My Attention Earlier

2009-02-06T02:01:00.002-05:00

Apparently memory foam mattresses and pillows shrink and become rock hard when left in the cold for a few days. Oh well.

Probably doesn't help that they haven't hooked up my heat yet.

But at least I'm 1/4 into my place now. Yay for not being homeless anymore

Thurdsay Thumbs vol XXXIII - Homeless Writer Edition

2009-02-05T11:48:00.002-05:00

Thumbs Up to Michael Phelps. Good on ya for smoking a little reefer and having some fun with your celebrity. I still think you're an incredibly talented idiot but I'm glad you're having some fun.

Thumbs Down to Richland County, South Carolina Sheriff Leon Lott for attempting to press charges against Michael Phelps over the picture of him smoking weed.

Thumbs Down to the bloke who puked on me the other day, not cool dude, not cool. It was only 7:30, you shouldn't have been that trashed.

Thumbs Up to Ruth Bader-Ginsburg who was hospitalized today for surgery for pancreatic cancer. We wish her best of luck

Thumbs Down to Obama's Vetting Team. Richardson, Geithner, and now Daschle. These guys were supposed to be top notch and have failed pretty much everywhere. If these are the top people, imagine how many people may have slipped through at levels without confirmation

Thumbs Down to Obama's Communication Team. After revolutionizing communications and campaigning they've apparently shut down shop. They've let the Republicans take complete control of the terms of debate and the direction things have taken.

Thumbs Down to Tom Daschle for being an idiot. The sad part of this whole thing is that Daschle was probably the one person with the personal connections and know how that could have made significant Health Care Reform work. This stupid/greedy/whatever error has cost the nation billions, and probably numerous lives.

Thumbs Down to the House GOP for not lending a single vote to the stimulus package after getting numerous concessions and talking about how much the Obama team reached out to them.

Thumbs Up to Michael Steele As one of the few remaining moderates in the Republican Party he is someone who might actually be able to curb the fanatical ideological excess that has driven the GOP into a deep minority.

Thumbs Down to Me. I have been couch surfing and without internet access for most of the past week making it very difficult to post anything. Of course, now that I haven't had a chance to be online and put anything up, that is when I am actually wanting to write about things. Unfortunately I have to do it in quick hits thumbs format instead of giving these topics the full consideration they deserve. However, I should be able to move into the new apartment this weekend and that will hopefully allow me to get back to doing this little side project...oh and find a new job because I'm pretty done with where I am now.

THGIF - Thank Gandhi It's Friday

2009-01-30T10:17:00.002-05:00

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was assassinated 60 years ago today. Gandhi is a personal hero of mine, and his 7 deadly social sins are something I try to pay attention to in my daily life. The world lost one of its great minds and great souls 60 years ago, but his legacy lives on.

Some neat CGI enhanced football antics

Common Misconceptions

Put a lighter in a blender, film in slo-mo, profit

10 Destresser sites

Why does war breed more boys

someecards getting to boring? check out Ashleigh Brilliant

The Wizard of Oz/Pink Floyd coincidence video

Flickr Stream of The End

Buddy Rich vs. Animal.

How to know when your food has gone bad

The list of athletes with illegitimate children

A Note On My Recent Absence

2009-01-29T22:12:00.006-05:00

I know, I've been a neglectful blogger lately and I've been trying to rectify that but as usual life is just playing with me. The same way that adolescent psychopaths play with frogs that is.

Little did I know on inauguration day that as I stood freezing my bum off that a mere 20 blocks away so was my new apartment. See, the vacating tenant decided to leave the window open. When the weather freezes so do pipes, when pipes freeze the water expands and explodes. When left unchecked for several days flooding occurs. When that occurs, PM gets screwed. So, here I sit, two days out from having to be out and I have pretty much nowhere to go as my new apartment is without carpets, some walls and the private entrance to my room. I had to reup my storage unit for another month since I have no place to move things and am praying that I can just get my bed and apartment stuff into my new landlords garage for a week or so and find some couches to sleep on. And because of said damage instead of being able to pay my security deposit a bit at a time each month they're now demanding it all at once. There's money I didn't even have to begin with. Lucky me.

I thought that with my sister gone, and some actual free time to myself I'd be able to focus on things and start writing again, but she has merely been replaced by a series of floor crashers and my new roomate desperate to get out of his current living situation. While I do love the Black Poodle, having him here is further crimping my free-flowing style.

Furthermore, I've just finally in the last 2 days gotten my voice back from the wretched cold that was starting to hit me on the 19th and has left me in a dayquil/nyquil haze and with a terrible case of laryngitis. Turns out, when one is waiting tables, particularly in a nightclub, one needs to be able to talk over the music. Add to that the GM getting canned and we're scrambling to fix up the mess his departure has caused.

I've also been in a passive-aggressive note war with someone who believes me to be someone else. Even though I was playing my music loud enough for them to know that I was home they left a note saying they had left a letter for me at the desk. Curious I picked it up and opened the envelope to find an invoice from printing church bulletins and asking someone by another name to pay them back. I politely wrote them a note saying that there was mistake and that I was not who they were looking for and wishing them the best of luck. The next day I received a note that certainly would not be publishable in the church bulletin calling me a liar and demanding payment. I tried to be nice again and say that I really wasn't who they thought me to be and that if they'd care to come by and say hello I'd prove I wasn't the person who owed them. Instead I've had an entertaining stream of notes taped to the door (again while I'm home during the day) demanding payment and threatening me with legal action.

Never a dull moment.

But those excuses aren't even the whole of the problem, though they have been taking up most of my time. A stultifying feeling of ennui has permeated my writing leaving me backspacing and annoyed at anything I do manage to write. I'm not pleased with anything I write and am finding it difficult to even stay abreast of the news these days (as shocking as that may be to those who know me to be a news junkie). It's rare for me to get writers block or to not have opinions about the news of the day, and this is a bit unnerving to me. I'm hoping I just need to recharge some batteries and will be back to my obnoxious, over-posting self soon. I'm trying to be better, and I will try and put some stuff up this weekend. But I did want to thank you, my loyal readers, for sticking with this space through its long gaps, annoying entries and other such rigamarole.

Thursday Thumbs vol XXXII - All Good News Edition

2009-01-29T09:42:00.006-05:00

Thumbs Up to Henrick Zetterberg and the Detroit Red Wings. Zetterberg, next in line to be Captain and reigning Conn Smyth (Playoff MVP) winner signed a contract with the Wings for 12 years at $73 Million taking a $2-3 Million discount over what he could have gotten on the open market to remain with a team that has a chance of winning and potentially giving the Wings a chance to keep both Johan Franzen and Marian Hossa.

Thumbs Up to the Arizona Cardinals for Shocking the World and going from 9-7 and making the playoffs only because they won their putrid division, to winning the NFC and giving Kurt Warner the chance to be the only NFL Quarterback to win with two different teams.

Thumbs Up to Kurt Warner for being an all around good guy and story of sticking to one's hopes and dreams long after everyone dismisses them. Everyone knows the story of how he went from practice squad to NFL Europe to out of football bagging groceries and marrying a woman with two kids (one with severe disabilities) but never giving up on his marriage or footbal career. Good luck Kurt

Thumbs Up to President Barack Obama for his first week on the job in which he has reversed disastrous Bush-era decisions at an impressive clip.

Thumbs Up to Gov. David Patterson and Senator Kirsten Gilibrand. Props to Gov. Patterson for resisting the pressure long enough for Caroline Kennedy to realize that she wasn't ready to take Hillary Clinton's seat and for then using it to promote not just a political hack he owed a favor to but to a young, intelligent and capable person who can do much good in a brain-drained Senate.

Thumbs Up to John Updike. His career and novels were unsurpassed and the world lost a literary light this week. RIP sir.

Thumbs Up to Johanna Sigurdardottir, who recently became the Prime Minister of Iceland. Given the current crisis in Iceland it is not a job I would generally wish on anyone, but Ms. Sigurdardottir has become the world's first openly-gay head of state. Congratulations and good luck.

Happy Niu* Year!

2009-01-25T16:41:00.002-05:00

The fireworks in China are probably just starting to come to a stop at this hour. But I did want to wish you all a happy Chinese New Year. Like last lunar year, I'll be celebrating alone and sick, but there will not be any delicious homemade Jiaozi or incredible fireworks displays this year. I've always been a fan of fireworks and until you see them in China for Spring Festival you don't know what real fireworks are. It's an incredible spectacle to see them launched in the middle of the street, bursting at eye level if you're up on the 15th floor (since there is no 13 or 14 or anything with a 4 in it for Chinese buildings). I remember running from one side of the apartment to the other just to see the changing view and panorama of exploding black powder, sulfur, aluminium and others. The most amusing/horrifying spectacle was watching one group of young kids setting off their fireworks box only to have one errantly fly into their car and set the whole thing on fire/explosion. Oops!

The next day brought red paper snow that covered the city in drifts of singed paper as people slept off their baijiu hangover and settled in for their only significant holiday break of the year. For many of China's migrant workers it is the only time of the year that they see their families, which is why last year's snow storms were so disheartening. It seems strange to look back on that time, as though it's been much longer than a year (it hasn't even been a solar year yet). Some of it seems so buried in the past, and some of it so new and fresh. Time goes on and life goes on. People change, lives change and all you can really do is cherish the good memories and learn from the bad ones. As the Chinese turn to the year of the Ox I find myself being more introspective about such things than I am for Western New Year (something I've never really been excited about). Neither here, nor there, but I would like to see Spring Festival one more time. It was one of the times I felt closest to the "real China."

* For those who don't know, Niu means Cow in Chinese. Forgive the terrible Year of the Ox pun, but I couldn't pass it up.

Mad Men

2009-01-21T10:18:00.002-05:00

The Republican Party seems to think all they need to do is a little rebranding and they will be good as new. I think it might take a little actual work and intellectual soul searching, but the internets have some help in their efforts

Tuesday Thumbs - Inaugural Edition

2009-01-20T15:33:00.012-05:00

Thumbs Up to Barack Obama for giving a tough, no nonsense speech based on making the tough decisions we need. He's perfectly right and it takes a lot of courage to make some of the criticisms he did of the American People (though having a near 80% approval rating and not being up for election for 4 years helps). His inaugural speech and the ideas and themes he put forth; sacrifice, hard work, citizenship, etc give me a lot of hope (though saying that is pretty hackneyed at this point)

Thumbs Down to Chief Justice John Roberts, Associate John Paul Stevens and Sen Barack Obama for flubbing the most memorable parts of the oath of office. Now, to be fair, Roberts has to do it from memory and Obama has a teleprompter but still, forgetting "faithfully" (when you're a Republican appointee no less) is pretty big. Obama was in such a hurry to go from Sen to Pres that he jumped his first line. Justice Stevens could be perhaps forgiven his mistake because of his age, but after swearing in Joe Biden he called him Mr. President. Oops!

Thumbs Up to Dick Cheney for trying to prove he is still the young football star that stole Lynne's heart. Throwing his back out while moving, so that his last public image is a hobbled old man in a wheelchair. Schadenfreude perhaps but a nice way to see him go out.

Thumbs Down to Entry Security of which there was none. For all the overboard ridiculousness of the security measures taken (more on that soon) we were able to walk right up to the mall entrances without passing a single security guard or checkpoint an hour and a half before the mall was even set to open up. Meanwhile 30-50,000 people were trapped in the I395 tunnel and completely missed the inauguration because the end of the tunnel was blocked and there was no one to give directions. And if you wanted to use your cellphone, well too bad, many people had no access because they were being jammed.

Thumbs Down to the Planners for providing NO information, particularly about exit (more on that later) at any point during the whole ordeal. There were no police giving orders or info, and if there were it was contradictory to other officers.

Thumbs Down to MPD for deputizing thousands of cops from around the country and then expecting them to be able to give directions to anyone. Furthermore they were nowhere to be seen for most of the day. The major presence was that of the National Guard which was, I think a poor message to send. Having people with no idea what was going on was terrible.

Thumbs Indifferent to the National Guard Troops I want to give a thumbs down to the yokels who almost hit me with their hummer yesterday. Their ubiquity downtown was a surprise, since there weren't even that many around in the immediate aftermath of September 11th. That they didn't know I Street from their Eyeball was not helpful in the slightest.

Thumbs Up to Metro for running a smooth, efficent operation without any apparent glitches.

Thumbs Up to Sens Kennedy and Byrd who collapsed at the post-inaugural luncheon. I hope they are ok.

Thumbs Up to whoever left the hot mic on at the podium. You can not imagine how entertaining it was while we froze to hear the various politicos congratulating and mocking each other. Worth the price of admission.

Thumbs Up to Spike Lee for being a man of the people and walking among the regular folks and not hoity-toity-ing it with the celebrities. Though he does need to lose that ridiculous hat.

Thumbs Up to Aretha Franklin, Yo Yo Ma, Itzahk Pearlman, Gabriela Montero, and Anthony McGill for doing a splendid job on their musical numbers.

Thumbs Down to Elizabeth Alexander for that downright terrible poem.

Ten Fingers, Ten Toes, and the Kitchen Sink Down to The National Park Service. The early crowd estimates I've seen range from 2-4 Million people on the Mall and while there was generally good planning in getting people onto the Mall the egress was not well played at all. You are dealing with a crowd that, while in a party mood, has been standing around in the very cold for, in some cases, 7-10 hours already. One would think that closing off every means of escape and funneling people through two, ten foot wide checkpoints would not be a good idea, and yet, that is what happened.

All the cross Pennsylvania Ave. streets, that had been opened for entry, were closed for the Parade. A parade that was not set to happen for another 3 hours. That means that everyone who was not in the ticketed sections (most people) had to walk to 18th Street to get out (Metro Stations in the restricted zone were closed as was the Southern and Eastern escape routes). Fine, but when you then block off 14th St. and Constitution Ave. and then force everyone into one 10 foot opening (guarded by National Guard Troops) you are going to have a problem. Even when they opened a second crossing of 14th Street (again only one long barrier wide) the crowd backup was phenomenal and ridiculous.

Ok, So everyone is then forced to walk up 18th Street, but then, with all the other roads you have blocked off you chose that as your main artery for running ambulances and EMPTY Busses?

What. The. Fuck.

What should have been a 20 minute walk turned into a needless two and a half hour ordeal. Whoever planned this needs idiocy needs to never work again. Seriously? Empty Busses!

Click the Pics to make them bigger

This Time With Feeling

2009-01-20T02:12:00.003-05:00

Everyone dreams about going to their High School Reunion to show up the people who treated them badly and impress that special someone with the possibility of what they could have had.

Very few people can get their class to do a reunion around their schedule.

Barack Obama is very few people.

Why do I mention this? Well, because his High School threw a reunion bash at our restaurant this evening and we all doubted he'd make an appearance. There were select reporters allowed in and a live broadcast back to Hawaii for their 6:00 news. All good fun, plus buyouts are great. They mean less work and more money. So I would have been happy with that, and getting lei'ed.

But then the big black SUVs pulled up and he entered to cries of BARRY!! So much better than being the Quarterback dating the head cheerleader. He didn't stay long of course, he has a busy day tomorrow, but getting to shake his hand again, this time when the whole world knows who he is, was certainly a trip.

Best of luck sir. You have an Augean Stable to clean up after but I think you can do it. God be with you and all of us Mr. Obama. I can't wait to see what you can do.

TRIF - Thank Ray It's Friday

2009-01-09T13:26:00.003-05:00

Because I'm getting a Ray's Hellburger before work and I cannot wait.

10 Jobs they didn't tell you about on Career Day

10 people who share the same birth day and year. Abe Lincoln and Charles Darwin is the big one. But they didn't mention that two of the best hockey players ever, Patrick Roy and Mario Lemieux, were born not just the same day, but at the same hospital in Montreal.

Some interesting ads for the Museum of Communism in Prague.

In 10 years we're gonna laugh at how ridiculously primitive this video is, but for now, I think it's cool.

Fred Syverson skied off a 107 meter cliff and survived. Check out the video and read about it.

The Weekend News Anchors at WGN-TV in Chicago have way too much time on their hands. They put together a whole routine for their first commercial break that you have to see.

Ice Cube's "Today Was a Good Day" as flowchart.

Thursday Thumbs XXXI - Cleaning Out 2008 Edition

2009-01-08T03:06:00.004-05:00

Thumbs Up to Jack Kemp. The former Buffalo Bill great, Senator for NJ, VP candidate with Bob Dole and an all around honest politician. Sen. Kemp was diagnosed with cancer this week and we wish him the best of luck.

Thumbs Down to Hamas/Israel. 'Nuff Said

Thumbs Down to Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich. For being a corrupt dillweed and for appointing a Senator to replace Obama anyway.
Thumbs Up to Patrick Fitzgerald. Would like to see him in Washington soon.
Thumbs Down to Roland Burris. For taking the offer. Though I hope he does well, that whole tomb thing is a bit strange.
Thumbs Down to Harry Reid (D-oddering). For putting up a fake fight and then letting him in anyway.

Thumbs Down to NBC. For waffling in similar fashion in the face of attention whore Ann Coulter and the threat of a Drudge Alert. What is this 1996? Ann Coulter is free to spread her speech wherever she cant. That does not mean that NBC or any other medium has to engage her brand of nutcase in any fashion. In doing so they have just given her the latest "oppression" she needs to sell her newest book.

Thumbs (pulled) Down to all you naughty people with iPhones. Or, at least the 10,000 per day that have been downloading various fart applications. That's $10,000 a day people are paying to have their phones fart at them. Stay Classy World.

Thumbs Up to Sen-Elect Al Franken. Things just got a lot more colorful in Washington.

Thumbs Down to Alberto Gonzales. Now, I know I've been a bit hard on Fredo in this space in the past. In fact he's been quite a punching bag for his relentless politicization of justice, utter incompetence, amnesia and trying to bully Attorney General John Ashcroft after emergency surgery to get approval for torture. But he topped himself with his recent qutoe about why he hasn't been able to get a job. "I consider myself a casualty, one of the many casualties of the war on terror." Congrats on being the last great douchebag of 2008.

Thumbs Up to My Miami Dolphins. For a great season. Let that playoff whipping by the Ravens fester and give you motivation for next season.

TJIF - Thank Janus It's Friday

2009-01-02T12:17:00.003-05:00

Janus is the Roman God of gates, doors, endings and beginnings. His name is the basis for January and the start of the new year (and janitors who take care of doors and hallways). Hope you all had a good New Year's and you didn't kill your livers too much.

I enjoyed my Red Wings stirring 6-4 victory at Wrigley Field over the Chicago Blackhawks. Want to know who is going to play in next year's Winter Classic? See where Ty Conklin signs. The Red Wings backup started this year, as well as last year for the Penguins and in the Edmonton vs. Montreal Heritage Classic from 5 years ago making him the only player to play in all three outdoor NHL games.

The Top 10 goals of 2008 (Hockey). Number 1 is just sick

30 cool opening title sequences from movies

A list of the most beautiful sounding words in the English Language

A list, with audio samples, of pop music that has backwards messages in it. Paul is Dead

An interesting collection of common misconceptions

For Nerds like me this website lets you check various google searches by state to see how often the term is searched by users in the state.

The people at HowStuffWorks.com have started offering podcasts on things you might have missed from History Class. There are some things even the history-nerd that I am didn't know in each of these

The Smoking Gun presents the Best Mug Shots of 2008

Werid Christmas Gifts. Makes the Sweater from Aunt Myrtle seem a bit beter

Find out how many calories you ingested last night at the pub

Another Day, Another Dollar

2009-01-01T11:13:00.002-05:00

The second part of yesterday's review is New Year's Day's what-I'm-looking-forward-to this year post. I probably should have written this up before because my brain is at best marginally functional right now.

The Winter Classic featuring my Red Wings today!

The Dolphins in the Playoffs

Getting a new, real job

Two weddings to go to now

The Wings defending their Stanley Cup Championships

All the things I don't know about yet

President Barack Obama

Turning 26....maybe

Good News and Human Kindness

2008-12-31T14:48:00.002-05:00

I was returning from some errands when a man approached me at the backdoor of my building and asked what size I was. Of course I was a bit leery of being accosted in such a manner but he handed me a very nice camel hair sport coat and said "here, I've gotten too fat to wear it and it would look good on you. Happy New Year." and walked away. I shouted my thanks to him as he turned the corner with a wave and I was reminded of how our lives are, in many cases, an instance of chance for both good and bad. 30 seconds later and I would've missed him completely.

Contemplating this I returned to my apartment to check my email and received an email from little little sister saying that her boyfriend had proposed (and she accepted) in Sydney Harbor right before the midnight fireworks. No word on how the parents took it, or if he asked my dad for her hand (since they are paying for the trip that might have been a nice touch) but he is an upstanding young gentleman and I'm sure he did. What a crazy end to the year.

Happy New Year....or something

2008-12-31T09:20:00.004-05:00

I've never been a fan of New Year's really. It seems a rather arbitrary and stupid marcation of the passage of time without significant meaning astrologically, seasonally or historically and merely an excuse for people to get rip-roaringly drunk and stupid. So, I may have been embittered by several lonely midnights and crazy trips where I wake up in French-speaking lands. So, I may have to work this evening while most of my family celebrates the New Year in 2 hours in Sydney, known for it's amazing fireworks display to ring in the year. But at least I know there won't be an international incident this New Year.

I don't much buy into making resolutions that always get broken anyway. I think it's silly and if you're serious about changing your lifestyle you do it, no need for an arbitrary start point, pick today (well use that advice any other day but actually today) it's as good as any really. There is one tradition that I do like about New Years though and that is going back through the things we liked/will remember most about the year past on New Year's Eve and then what we are looking forward to on New Year's Day dinners. So, I'm sharing this, my memories of 2008, with you all, my extended family. Please feel free to add your own memories in the comments section too.

Election Night in DC

That great trip to NY

Seeing the Great Wall and the Summer Palace

My Parents visiting me in Beijing

Seeing Jake Shimabukuro in concert

The Olympics and seeing some of the run-up to them

The Red Wings won the Stanley Cup. I still need to get that tattoo though.

Eating Crabs in Baltimore in a great return to the Mid-Atlantic

Watching the Best Wimbledon Final ever

Seeing how the Chinese ring in a real New Year.

The never-ending punchline that is Sarah Palin

My friends for helping me through hard times and putting up with my broke, whiney, depressed ass.

Setting myself on fire

Restarting this blogging thing after my hiatus behind the Great Firewall

Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind for sake of Auld Lang Syne.

Hey Boo Boo, Let's Get Outta Here

2008-12-30T11:31:00.004-05:00

Yellowstone National Park is not what one generally thinks of when hearing about catastrophic environmental collapse. Yet, the park sits on one of the world's largest Supervolcanoes, dubbed by Geoglogists as "The Beast" covering an area 55 KM by 72 KM (larger than Oahu, the second lasrgest Volcano zone in the US) and is the cause of Yellowstone's famous geyser's and hot springs. The Yellowstone Caldera is known to go off every 600,000 years which is fine, except the last recorded explosion was 640,000 years ago. All of this is just a worry at the back of the mind, like an asteroid collision, there isn't much of anything we could do but the results would be terrifyingly destructive for the whole world.

That is except for the series of over 200 mini-earthquakes (registering up to 3.8 on the Richter Scale) that have gone off in the last week. Now this could be nothing or it could be the precursor to massive destruction. How massive? Here is a picture of just the blast zone of the last two eruptions:

Now aside from half the continental US being in the blast zone, one would need to remember the massive dust cloud that would result from such an explosion. The Krakatoa volcano, the largest known regular volcanic explosion (Humanity has never witnessed a caldera event) caused massive devestation worldwide. Krakatoa caused a mini-ice age, and snow in July throughout the world. It's 4.3 cubic miles of displaced ash and dirt would be dwarfed by the Yellowstone Caldera's 600 cubic miles. The effect would be the same as Nuclear Winter, causing the average worldwide temperature to fall 10-21 degrees Celsius. Within hours of the eruption virtually all US farming in the great plains would be dead. Massive plant die-offs worldwide would ensue. In short it could be an extinction level event.

And that's your cheerful thought for Monday Afternoon

2008-12-29T12:11:00.002-05:00

I feel her sidle up behind me as I'm running a credit card and her calming sweet presence disarms ms. She lays her chin on my shoulder and whispers seductively in my ear "You know I love you, so don't take this personally, I'm just bored" and before I can react a sharp set of jabs nails my kidneys repeatedly.

With friends like these who needs enemies.

Only Wanna Be With You

2008-12-29T01:46:00.004-05:00

Last year, I was such a baby

Yeah, The Dolphins made me cry.

They even got me to quote Hootie and the Blowfish on my blog. ouch.

They went an abysmal 1-15. They traded or lost to free agency their two best defensive players, their their top three recievers, and their tight end. In other words every Pro-Bowler they had. Instead of drafting anyone to replace those skill position losses they used the number one pick on an Offensive Lineman. They brought in a Head Coach who had previously only worked as a Defensive Line Coach and an offense that featured High School plays. One of their running backs is an avowed pothead and is trying to become an herbal shaman. Do you really think I could make that shit up?

Somehow it has worked. They have gone 11-5 including today's win-and-in game against the Jets in New Jersey. They are now the 2008-09 AFC East Champions and in the playoffs. No, that is not the Patriots who went 18-1 last season. They went 11-5 too, but lost the tiebreaker to Miami and will sit out the playoffs. No, that is not the Jets, who cut Chad Pennington in favor of the Legendary Brett Farve. Chad Pennington went to Miami and has lead them into the playoffs while teaching Miami's two young Quarterbacks, set to replace him in a few years, how to play smartly in the NFL.

That they will likely lose next week in Baltimore (the only team they beat last year) is secondary to the amazing turn-around in South Florida. This is a Dolphins team being built to contend for a long time and I am very very excited about the future.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2008-12-25T11:55:00.002-05:00

To all my amazing friends, I hope you have a happy and wonderful holiday.